Helping A Friend Who's Helping A Friend.

Sara Nelms

My good friend Ronda is asking for help. And I think we need to bring it together like only bloggers can!!! 

Her beautiful daughter's beautiful childhood friend is trying to win the chance to open for Little Big Town! Will you go and cast your vote? If she wins, then I get an ipod! 

Seriously.

Well .... I may be messing with your head a little bit on that one. But, HEY, vote anyway! Could you imagine what a fabulous opportunity that would be for this young lady? 

Go HERE and vote for SARA NELMS! 

*N*O*W* 

(please?)

GO SARA GO!  GO SARA GO!  GO SARA GO!

Thanks for joining me on Phabulous Photo Phriday!

For more, head on over to Candid Carrie!

Thursday's Homework Assignment

I don't remember very many of my teachers. A couple from elementary. A few from junior high. And basically none from high school because, well, I didn't really go very much. I definitely don't have a FAVORITE, so I will write about the only ones I can think of.

Mr. Greenslade, he was grade seven.
And he was such a fool.
We all totally knew he stood at the front
Just playing his 'pocket pool'!!

Ms. Hall from junior high
With hair down past her ass.
And, not surprisingly,
The boys NEVER skipped gym class.

Mr. Cowan, you deserve two verses
Nope. Your slates not clean.
Remember the time I helped make the display?
And for the news photo you picked Colleen!

Grade six should have been grand!
But you liked the grade five teacher.
So the only field trip we took with our friends
Was for the year end feature.

Mr. Smith needed a lesson in patience.
I remember you slamming out the door.
When the kids played chicken in the back
Poor guy just couldn't take any more.

Mr. Meyer. Poor Mr. Meyer.
He knew he couldn't win.
And rumour has it, by the end of the year
He was off to the loony bin!


We were such good kids!! lol

For more, go and see Mama Kat!

And great big happy birthday wishes to Cassie, who's turning 12 today!

You Know, In Arkansas, We're Now Legally Married.

I find it incredibly convenient that my plan was to write about bowel movements today, and then when I checked my email, this hilarious colonoscopy description was in there. I just had to share:  (By the way, it's long, but it's a good easy read!)

This is from newshound Dave Barry's colonoscopy journal: 

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a colour diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis . Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'
 

I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America 's enemies. 

I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavour. Then, in the evening, I took the Moiré. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-litre plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a litre is about 32 gallons.) Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat shit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon. 

The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humour, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel movement may result.' This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground. 

MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but: Have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another litre of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet. 

After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough. 

At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.

Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this is, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.

When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anaesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me roll over on my left side,
and the anaesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand. There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the least appropriate. 

'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me. 'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.

I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colours. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.

ABOUT THE WRITER 

Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humour columnist for the Miami Herald.

On the subject of Colonoscopies... 

Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous..... A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies: 

1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before! 

2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?' 

3. 'Can you hear me NOW?' 

4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?' 

5. 'You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married.' 

6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?' 

7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...' 

8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!' 

9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit! 

10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.' 

11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?' 

12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.' 

And the best one of all. 

13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?' 

If you promise to come back, I'll write my original BM post for tomorrow!!! 

How's that for totally irresistible!

Oops. Was that my outside voice?

I've said before that my kids are going to need therapy.

And I am oh, so right on that score.

The other day, Asia and I were heading out to .... You guessed it - Soccer .... and suddenly she jumped and said "Oh (giggle giggle) I just got a text! (giggle giggle)." And then she hauled her phone out from between her legs. 

So I, in all my infinite wisdom, told her that that probably wasn't the best place for her phone when she has it on vibrate.

Well, my friends, she laughed like a silly little teenager would when she thinks that she knows more than her mama. (I'm surprised she doesn't laugh more often, really...)

She was laughing hysterically behind her hand.

Thinking that I didn't get it.

So I did what any self-respecting, oh so cool mom does to save face, and to let her know on no uncertain terms that I also know who is the smartest one between the two of us.

I said to her "You're going to need something with a whole lot more power than that if you want it to do you any good."

Silence.

This time it was me thinking that she missed boat. So I snuck a quick glance over at her.

Nope.

She was staring at me like I had grown a third arm out of the top of my head. She thinks that just because she goes to a crack-head, no holds barred school that she knows more about the "ins and outs" of sex better than her mother.

So I'm all "Oh, was THAT my outside voice? I'm so sorry. Did I offend?"

To which she replies, "I am SO gonna' need therapy!"

And that, my friends, is what I call a successful conversation with my teenage daughter.

But don't worry. For all of you more responsible parents out there, you'll be happy to know that with it being a really cold night and all, I quickly changed to subject to "I wonder if steam would come out of our asses right now if we farted."

Oh, and Mom? Uhhh. Perhaps Dad shouldn't read my post today?

Phriday Photo Phiesta!

George, as he has requested to be called for this post, was dropping off our middle daughter at school on Obama's inauguration day. She was so excited!!! She said in social studies they were going to watch Obama get assassinated!!  So George choked out an "Oh Lordy! Cassie! He's not getting assassinated! He's getting inoculated!" 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Oh, my family. We're a swift bunch. George assures me he was only kidding, but ... I don't know about that.

Anyway, on to my picture for today.  George found this old picture of himself. We did the Body For Life challenge in about 2001. After those 12 weeks, we were both looking pretty good. Obviously I was not quite as good, because there is no way in H*E* double hockey sticks I'm putting that one out there.

He told me he found the courage to use this as his Facebook profile picture, as incentive to try to get back to this.

You are wondering about his wife's encouraging and loving comments, aren't you? 

I laughed my fool head off and said "You chose a picture of you in your MAN PANTIES to put on FACEBOOK? HAHAHAHAHAHA!" 

I'm so proud. 

Oh, and FYI, I will be hosting a giveaway on my blog for my friend's quilting company! Matt & Bradie are making a very special camera strap just for one of my lucky readers! Aren't they awesome?? Stay tuned....

Thursday's Homework Assignment

The Prompts:

1.) Tell us about a memorable blind date.

2.) Other than the birth of a child or your wedding, write about a joyous moment.
3.) Write about one of the most difficult decisions you have made in your life.

(creativewritingprompts.com)

4.) Share the best picture you took last month and explain why it's your favorite.


Okay, now 1, 2 and 4 are out. So that leaves me with number 3. 

How completely sad and pathetic is it that I couldn't think of a single thing? There is no event in my life that I can look back and think, Wow! THAT was awesome! 

So, what Leon and I came up with is that it brings me joy to make people laugh. 

So, essentially, I win out. Because there are joyous occurrences almost daily for me. I just got lucky I think, that I love to make people laugh, and can occasionally be funny! It's not like soccer, that I love to play, but don't do it very well, you know? 

How totally lucky am I???

Go and see Mama Kat for more!

The Cutest Kids EVER! And They're Not Even Mine!

I did a photo shoot on the weekend. I love these kids. I photographed the wedding about five years ago, and for the passed three years, every January/February, I photograph their kids. Oh. My. Stars.

Take a look!

For more, go and see Angie at Seven Clown Circus!

Perfect Timing. I Planned That.

I think it is a perfect day to tell you what I think.

On this fine day of Obama's inauguration. 

President-elect Barack Obama speaks at the Lincoln Memorial during an inaugural concert in Washington on Sunday. (Charles Dharapak, Associated Press)

I think that in this time of economic fear and upheaval that perhaps it's not the best time to spend over $150 million dollars to welcome someone into their new job.

I think that, while I understand the need to make a home your own, it could be done in a way that wouldn't cost tax payers God only knows how much, just to have a celebrity decorator fix up the new House.

Right now, while there is huge national debt, and companies going under, and people losing their jobs, don't you think this money could have been put to better use?

Like helping out the porn industry?

You could buy a few cars from sinking companies and hand them out to the less fortunate. 

You could perhaps feed an entire third world country?

Yes. We all know that I think politicians in general are the scum of the earth.

Thank you so much, Barack, for confirming that.

Have a great day.

I do want to apologize to my dear friends who are looking forward to this day. I hope you won't hold my opinion against me forever. 

I am okay with a day or two if you need to though. 

I'll understand.

Desperate for more...

I normally don't watch Desperate Housewives. My curiosity was piqued when they were first advertising this new series that was starting in the fall.  How many years ago was that? Five years or so, I suppose.

And I can honestly say, that in the episodes I did see, I never shed a tear. I shook my head every now and then. Rolled my eyes. But never had a reason to cry.

Tonight while working on my interview questions from Ronda, which will hopefully be posted tomorrow, I just left it on for some background noise.

Oh. My. Stars. 

I cried through the whole damned thing! 

If I could strive for anything in my life, it would be to live like Eli Scruggs. 

To do what I can to help people and to try to help make their lives better. 

To be respected and loved and to take it all in humble stride. 

That would be something, wouldn't it?

Will you have a full house at your funeral? People whose lives you have touched without realizing the impression you left behind? 

What is it you would strive for?

The World Cup, You Say??

So I was asked tonight to join a soccer team going to Sidney, Australia, in October. Now dontcha be thinking that I'm good or anything. It is strictly a "fun" thing.

And expensive.

But, oh, so much fun!

And I had a little giggle over the fact that this came up TODAY.

AFTER Lilly posted a picture of an Aussie spider named Rhonda.

And me vowing I would NEVER go there after all.

How's that for timing?

Do you think if I started one of those little paypal donation thingies, you guys would want to help me raise money to go?

Yeah. I didn't think so.

But I sooooo want to go!!!

Perhaps there is good money to be made in prostitution if I don't have a drug habit to feed?

I'll keep you posted! And maybe in October, I can meet up with Lilly!

Wouldn't that be awesome???

I'm Feeling A Little Silly Right About Now!

I thought Flat Stanley was a journal. I thought he was ONLY a journal. He was to travel around and have some fun and then head back to the student where the project began. Some may not know what I'm talking about. Others will.

I went looking for an envelope tonight and saw the envelope that Flat Stanley came to us in. 

The envelope wasn't empty.

Guess what???

It turns out that Flat Stanley really is a flat little person. And it also turns out that Stanley, himself, didn't actually go to Cancun. Nor did he go to Australia. He is also not on his way to Paraguay. 

Well THAT'S disappointing.

But in my defense, the pictures that Jamie had in the "journal" were OF the journal itself. There weren't any pictures of the real Stanley in there either. So how were we to know?? 

Still. I hang my head in embarrassment. And I feel really bad for Stanley.  Poor, poor Stanley.

So, everyone. Meet Flat Stanley. Who never actually made it out of Canada after all!! lol

Kids & Their Cameras - Part Two.

So, another day at the local psychiatric hospital today. I have to tell you, I'm trying not to take it personally, but WOW, do I ever bring out the crazy in people! It was busy AGAIN! Nuts. Pardon the pun.

Welcome to part II of "When You Give A 14 Year Old A Camera For Christmas".  Or something like that.

They say don't sit too close to the TV, but they never said not to get too close to your camera!

Beautiful picture, but man, she's a little weird sometimes.

She is so going to need therapy when she gets older.

And yes. That is an absolute rats nest of cords under the computer.

If you look really close, you'll see garbage, dog hair and probably food that the dog missed.

The room is sadly neglected.

WHAT the HELL are THESE??

Nice. Really nice. Oh, sometimes they make us proud, don't they, Lynne?

Head over to Candid Carrie for more Phabulous Phriday Photos!

Thursday's Homework Assignment

It's time for another Thursday homework assignment.  It turns out that I can't do any of this week's prompts.  There's only one I could write about, but on that same note I can't write about it because my kids read this. I'll let you use your imagination as to which one I'm talking about.

So, because I'm such a keener, I'm going to do a second assignment from last week.

Ask people to describe me. Easy peasy.

First off, Leon. I'm both delighted and surprised to tell you that it was mostly good.

Here's his list:

1. Caring
2. Thoughtful (Remember the racquetball post??)
3. Considerate
4. Ice Cold Bitch (I reworded this for him, but I know this is what he meant!)
5. Short-fused
6. Generous
7. Kind
8. Smart 
9. Incredibly tolerant 

I think it was supposed to be eight things, but I feel that the last one is very important. And it was my own word. Everyone married to a frenchman, hang your head and just agree, right?

I thought it might be nice to get another person's opinion on me. 

My mom.

Not too surprising that all of HER words were also quite complimentary.

She actually gave me 32, so I'm going to pick out MY favorites. 

1. Bubbly (It's actually dimply cellulite, but I like her description better!)
2. Hard-working (Oh, yeah! That's what I'm talking about!!)
3. Helpful (To the point of mental breakdown. Yup. That's me.)
4. Honest (If you don't want to hear it, don't be asking me! Although I try to be kind with my honesty!)
5. Perfect (Okay, even I am rolling my eyes at this one, mom!!!)
6. Fun 
7. Organized (Well, at least I have SOMEONE fooled!)
8. Loyal 
9. Sister, daughter, mother, friend, wife. (I just thought I'd lump all these together for you!)

Now you can say that you know me a little better. At least my good side!!!  Head over to Mama's Losin' It to catch up with the other participants!

Happy Thursday!

Wordful/Wordless Wednesday

I'll bet you're just dying to know what a spaghetti sandwich looks like, aren't you??

Now you know.

Head on over to Angie for more Wordful Wednesday!

I Can Find The Humour In Anything...

I have to tell you that Leon and I don't have a very good racquetball track record. Or, should I say, HE doesn't have a very good track record, while I'm six for six.

Let me explain.

EVERY time, or almost, that Leon and I play racquetball, he ends up eating rubber. 

No, I don't win the game. I'm not very good at all. 

It turns out though, that I CAN hit a target.

If that target is him.

But in my defense, he just doesn't get out of the way.  Would YOU stand in front of the person who is about to hit the ball, when that person only consistently hits the ball in your direction?

I think not.

I've gotten him in the ass, the ear, the back, the leg and the arm. And now, I can add his throat to my growing list.

It was frightening, really. Because he was making these weird whistling sucking sounds. It seems that I temporarily smashed his windpipe all to hell. 

But once he started breathing again, holy FRIG did I laugh!!! 

Why Am I Not Where I Should Be?

Liv is at a birthday party.

Leon & the other two girls are at soccer.

I have the house to myself.

Where am I, you may ask?

Am I sitting at the table with my coffee (nuked from this morning, thinking I desperately need an Umberto of my very own?), a box of chocolates and Breaking Dawn?

Nope. I don't seem to be there.

Am I cozied on the sofa with a hot chocolate, fuzzy blanket and a roaring fire, staring out the window at the blizzard outside?

Hmmm. I'm not there either.

Perhaps I'm out getting a fabulous spa treatment?

I'd love to tell you that's me. But, alas, nope.

Oh there. I'm doing laundry.

And I'm cooking.

And cleaning!  Oops!  I mean...

... cleaning.

Why is it, that when we get some time to ourselves, we are still looking after everything else?

And yes. I certainly expect a comment from "Anonymous" for this post... lol

Welcome To Alberta

Do you want to wager a guess how much time has passed between these two pictures?

What. Not a gambler?

Six minutes, folks. And that's just when I noticed. These changes are usually pretty instantaneous.

Liv & I were completely white just running from Superstore into the van. As we were driving down the road, the sky was black and snow was blowing all over in our own little mini-blizzard. Then, suddenly, with the sky still black ahead of us and behind us, directly above us, or so it seemed, the sky opened up and the sun came out in the wildest, brightest colour. Black all around, and yet so bright I was tempted to grab my sunglasses.

Weird.

Holding Fast

Some of you may remember a little while ago I was sent a book from Jill. The idea was to read the book, sign the front and then forward it on. Unfortunately the book came to me while I was just starting another book. The Twilight series, in fact. (An no. I haven't yet started the fourth one, so don't tell me anything!) 

Oh. My. Stars.

If you haven't read Jill's version of what happened, follow the links:

Holding Fast
The Second Part Of My Story
Part Three Of My Version

Yeah, they sucked me in so fast, I just needed to read the book.

Ronda has already begged, pleaded and bribed for second shot at the book. If you want this to come to you, you have to first be willing to read it in a fairly timely fashion, lest it be forgotten. Second, you will be okay with writing your name and location in the book. And third, you have to be willing to pay the postage to send it to the next person.

My hope is that it will one day make it's way back to Jill, and perhaps Karen, so they can't see how far it has travelled.

There is a lot of love in this story just itching to spread it's way through your heart. Trust me on this.

You can either leave me a comment stating that you would like to have a chance at this book, or just hop on over to Ronda's blog and let her know.




Oh, and don't forget to head over to Candid Carrie and tell her how jealous you are that she got to make out with a rock star!!

Phriday Photo Phiesta!

Nope, you didn't mis-click. My post is going up at 10:00 my time, which is, ummm, I don't know what the heck your time.

And yes, I do realize it would have been faster to change my post time than it is to type out a whole new post to tell you that it's not up yet.

I'm not THAT dumb.

I don't think.

:-)

Thursday's Homework Assignment

Mama Kat is putting us to work again!

The Prompts:

1.) Describe your latest obsession.

2.) Ask a loved one to use 6 descriptive words to describe you and report your findings. How well do they know you?
3.) Who was your first bloggy friend? How did you find each other? Do you still correspond?

4.) Tell us about your pet! If you have a weird infatuation with your dog or cat we want to hear about it (or if they just plain drive you crazy)...but please don't compare them to children. It's just not the same.

#4! Here we go.

I do a really freaky thing with my dog. (Oh, come on, people. Really?) 

When Leon (who has decided that I can go back to calling him Leon on my blog, but be warned that if he returns to being George every now and then, it's probably because I'm in trouble for something...) leaves for work, or is on a night shift, my beautiful, great big, 190 pound English Mastiff, Ringo, likes to sleep in the bed with me.

I know, it doesn't sound much like a quirky infatuation thingy, does it?

Well, here's the kicker.

He likes to spoon.

His back to my front.

People get really creeped out when I say that. But lots of people snuggle with their pet, right? They just technically don't have people-sized pets who spoon.

Their loss.

Another quirk, you beg.

Okay, here's another. Ringo likes to eat off forks.  

He has amazing table manners.  He just can't help it if he leaves a slobber trail.

Everywhere.

 

He's actually just standing on his back feet here. 

And you thought he was jumping, right?

This is how he like to wait while we have supper.

He's not spoiled. Not even a little bit.

HA!

And yes. That is a pink sock on my table leg. lol

Tune in Monday, when I will delight you with option number  two.  I will get some words from a few people. Good and bad. 

Oi!

Wordful Wednesday

Welcome to Wordful Wednesday!!!

For today, I'm just showing you what happens when a 14 year old gets a camera for Christmas!!

Asia and her cousin during a sleep over.

Asia's aunt and uncle were thrilled to see what went on when they weren't home!

Take a good look at Asia's face, and the poor dog! 

She thought she was going to land on him!

Another sleep over. Innocent fun. Thank God.

A look she learned from her big sister!

See the matching funky lip thing?

An excited little one on Christmas morning with her Dora sit'n'spin!

Thank goodness Asia got this one! Mine was blurry!

Go see Angie for more!

Rhonda Needs....

I came across this on someone's blog a while ago, and as I sat here struggling, trying to find something entertaining, it came back to my mind.

What you do is type in your first name followed by 'needs' in google. And you share whatever comes out.

1. Rhonda needs thoughts and prayers.  And chocolate.
2. Rhonda needs a break on Flickr. This one carries on to say that I saw a staircase and had to try it.  Obviously the wrong Rhonda.....
3. Rhonda needs the white pages.  I got nuthin.
4. Rhonda needs your help.  Any psychiatrists in the house?
5. I hate to pull rank, but Rhonda needs us all!  And chocolate.
6. Rhonda needs emergency advice. This one goes on to say "Please hurry back.  We NEED you big time!"  Yeah, get in line.
7. Rhonda needs to lose some weight. Well, she needs to lose a lot of weight. She also needs some medication for incontinence..... Wow! This one was literally speaking RIGHT TO me! It started with "Introducing Big Rhonda!"  I totally know that I'm not the only one to find that one hilarious. And somewhat familiar. And because I know you are incredibly curious at this point, Rhonda is a beautiful Rottweiller! lol
   
8. And last, Rhonda needs to get laid.  Funny, that's what George says too. 

Give it a try.  It really is a hoot.  Hey, just for fun, let's try Rhonda wants....

1. Rhonda wants to have Brandon Routh's babies. Okay, this gal is SO done with that! I wouldn't even have a set of Brad Pitt multiples, even for all the child support in the world!
2. Rhonda wants it weekly. Hmmm. Yeah, not so much.
3. Rhonda wants to move to Buffalo. Nope. I said tropical, not Buffalo!
4. Rhonda wants nothing more than to I don't think you guys want to know what this one said.  Oh, really?  You do?  See #5!
5. Rhonda wants nothing more than to suck you all the way up but she won't swallow your load and you must wear a condom.... So, apparently I have standards.  Good to know.
   
6. Rhonda wants a smaller approval amount. Rather comical considering the one it's following!
7. Rhonda wants to thank the people who have inspired her.  Awww. How totally sweet and so very true!
   

So I hope you have fun doing this, and that you don't stumble upon a sleazy Rhondas who work in the escort business.....

It Turns Out That I'm All Talk And No Action.

And no, I'm not talking about my holiday with my husband.

When something happens that I don't particularly like, I talk. I talk big. And bad. And there are usually lots of unpleasant words. Some are preceded by "I'm gonna...".

But rarely does anything come of my bad-ass attitude.

There was that one road rage episode. And another time when my brother pissed me off at the bar and made me leave early.

And I usually regret hitting "send" before I've taken an hour or a day to calm down and think rationally.

We are women. We are emotional. Freaking out is just what we do. Right Lilly? lol

Lilly's post reminded me of something I thought I would share, and perhaps get some opinions on.

My daughter, Asia, who is 14, and has, well, a not-so-14 year old body, was at the gym by herself about a month ago. The key word here is 14! And while I admit she was wearing her sweats that said "Call me" across her cute little bottom, she is still 14.

She had a couple of "older" guys checking her out. Thankfully they scared the hell out of her when they asked for her phone number, and she told them no and walked away. The continued to check her out the entire time she was there. Guys will be guys, and technically looking at a cute little thing isn't a crime unless it's on a restricted web site or she is tied up in your basement. That would be bad.

On her way out of the gym, another "older" guy with a young child along asked for her phone number. Asia was thinking he was probably early 20's. (My girlfriend was close by and confirmed that he was definitely WAY too old and a little creepy!) She told him she didn't have one. (I'm going to have to work on her lines a little bit I think...)

He was pushing pretty hard for a way to contact her. She told him that we were new to the city and didn't have a phone yet.

AND she told him that she was only 14, and in grade nine.

So now he's asking what she thinks of living here, small talk crap. He even asked how long she has been living in Edmonton, and she replied with "I don't know!" (Okay, now THAT part is pretty funny!)

He then asked if she had a cell phone, to which she replied no.

So, knowing that she is only 14, HE gives her HIS phone number and asks her to call.

My girlfriend was thinking I should phone the police, because clearly this guy needs the shit scared out of him before he approaches some other kid who is not as timid/terrified. I do have his phone number, but have yet to do anything with it. Technically, the sick individual has not done anything wrong. However, he is still a sicko who would have happily taken on with a 14 year old and made it very difficult for her to walk away. I'm incredibly happy that my friend was there!

But short of throwing the sweat pants away, being with her where we can, and doing a whole whack of talking to her, there is probably nothing else we can do.

Right?

Better L-eight than never....

I'm going to start today with my top 8 in '08. If I can. My memory is really short, though...

Without further ado, and in no specific order:

1. How incredibly sad that this is making my list, but I am thrilled to report to you all that there have been no more spiders on my shower curtain since I changed to a clear curtain. Come to think of it there have been no more 2-legged peeping toms either, but I'm coming to terms with that. And making myself back into peeping tom shape is one of my resolutions.
2. We went on an adult's only holiday, and while some parts of it weren't exactly delightful, it was nice to get away!!! 
3. I also got to go to Disneyland in May with 36 junior high kids for their Tour Band trip. I think the adults had FAR more fun than the kids did!
4. Leon graduated into the Edmonton Fire Department this year after trying for four years! 
5. I met some FABULOUS bloggers! I was awarded several times, and each one totally delighted me! I won some great stuff, too! I even got to be one of Candid Carrie's field trip desinations!  I hope in 2009 to meet at least a few of you in person! How cool would THAT be??
6. I took some time to reflect on the past, and it didn't even kill me, nor did it hurt, very much.
7. One word. Soccer. Yup. Soccer.  An absolute highlight of every week, times 2. I love it. It's getting me off my ever-expanding rear end and I'm having fun and making me a priority and showing the kids that I find exercise a priority. My girls now play soccer too, and Leon coaches. We've made it a family thing that we can all do together, watch, play and cheer!
8. Last, of course, is watching my friends and family grow through another year. And no, I didn't mean that in any derogatory sense. We all just get better, and better with each passing year. Naturally.

All the best to you all in 2009!

Oh, The Plans I Had...

I had this fabulous plan to post a variety of my top 8 in '08 things. I simply ran out of time. It turns out that while I may not look it, I am just one person after all.

And now here I sit, after sadly ending 2008 much the way we spent the majority of it, fighting with kids, finding myself unable to put together a simple coherent thought.

I worked yesterday at one of the hospitals that I haven't worked at for close to a year. It's usually pretty dull. But just like I did when I first worked there and was by myself, I was crazy busy. Last time I had four patients all at once, which doesn't sound like much, but then add in that three were brought in by police, I need a psych aide for each one, security coming to do scans, plus the stretcher and EMTs that came with another, and my little corner of the world is suddenly very full. Add to this the fact that I have to operate the switchboard while sorting out piles of paperwork and entering endless data into the computer, and you get one very red-faced brand new admitting clerk. Apparently something about me working a shift by myself brings out the 'crazy' in people, real quick. 

Thankfully it wasn't quite like that, but more one after the other, and me still fumbling my way around remembering what to do while having police, doctor, psych aide and psych patient all waiting for me, it's still quite the pressure.

By the time I got home, it was time to turn around and meet some friends for dinner. I was barely seated yet when the waitress came and asked what we wanted to drink. Yes, you guessed it. My response was a coffee 'with a whole lot of friggin bailey's'.

I discovered two things by the time we had our dinner and were on our way home.

As it turns out, 'coffee with a whole lot of friggin Bailey's' is an incredibly expensive drink. AND, I learned that my mouth is a whole lot fouler than most.

So knowing what I do now, I've added two things to my very sad list of resolutions:

1. Carry a little bottle of Bailey's in my purse. At. All. Times.
2. Either clean up my mouth, or work on dirtying the mouths of others. 

And yes, I've got intentions to try to lose 20 pounds, get more active, eat less, or at least smarter, and be a better mom to kids who won't appreciate it anyway. You know. The usual.

That said, thank you for listening to my first rant of 2009.  

I wish you and your family all the best in this fine New Year.

Happy blogging!