My life in pictures, stories and open letters.

My life in pictures, stories and open letters.
Warning

Please be advised that you are entering my blog.
My blog.
The opinions herein are mine.
I am free to rant and vent to my heart's content.
If you find yourself mentioned here, then you've made quite an impression on me.
Feel free to read on if you would like to know if that impression is good, bad or ugly.
If you choose not to know, I invite you to move your mouse over to the little red X in the top corner of your screen and click.
Regardless of the option you choose, I hope you have a fabulous day!



Sunday, January 25, 2009

Oops. Was that my outside voice?

I've said before that my kids are going to need therapy.

And I am oh, so right on that score.


The other day, Asia and I were heading out to .... You guessed it - Soccer .... and suddenly she jumped and said "Oh (giggle giggle) I just got a text! (giggle giggle)." And then she hauled her phone out from between her legs. 

So I, in all my infinite wisdom, told her that that probably wasn't the best place for her phone when she has it on vibrate.

Well, my friends, she laughed like a silly little teenager would when she thinks that she knows more than her mama. (I'm surprised she doesn't laugh more often, really...)

She was laughing hysterically behind her hand.

Thinking that I didn't get it.

So I did what any self-respecting, oh so cool mom does to save face, and to let her know on no uncertain terms that I also know who is the smartest one between the two of us.

I said to her "You're going to need something with a whole lot more power than that if you want it to do you any good."

Silence.

This time it was me thinking that she missed boat. So I snuck a quick glance over at her.

Nope.

She was staring at me like I had grown a third arm out of the top of my head. She thinks that just because she goes to a crack-head, no holds barred school that she knows more about the "ins and outs" of sex better than her mother.

So I'm all "Oh, was THAT my outside voice? I'm so sorry. Did I offend?"

To which she replies, "I am SO gonna' need therapy!"

And that, my friends, is what I call a successful conversation with my teenage daughter.

But don't worry. For all of you more responsible parents out there, you'll be happy to know that with it being a really cold night and all, I quickly changed to subject to "I wonder if steam would come out of our asses right now if we farted."


Oh, and Mom? Uhhh. Perhaps Dad shouldn't read my post today?

12 comments:

Dan said...

Makes me really happy we just had a boy - cause it would have been me having the conversation and I hate looking dumb and red in public.

Janie said...

Oh, God, that is soooooo funny!

wy-not said...

Oh. My. God. Your kid won't need as much therapy as your mother needs, right now. People always warned me that those years of being the old hag and the little bag would come back to bite me! Oh dear.

Aw well. These are the good old days. As whatisname the country singer says - "You're gonna miss this!"

Lilly's Life said...

Keep it up girl, the parent always has to win do you hear me? I seem to recall my daughter saying she needed therapy because of me too , but hey that was just the other day! Funny how we all think our parents know nothing and that as teenagers we invented everything to do with sex. Funny story though!!

Ronda's Rants said...

That is funny....
Years ago, I was helping out in new accounts and one of my son's friends came in to open an account as he was going away for college.
He and his mother sat at my desk and we did all the usual things for opening an account...we come to the what pin number would you like and he says with a straight face...6969! I look him in the eye and look at his totally unaware Mother! CLUELESS!!
I told my son his friend was a pervert for saying this to me...and my son looks at me and says...."You, know what that is, Mom?"
It was priceless!
I said "yes...your father and I have had sex three times!
Thanks for a help in reminding me of a great memory!

Betty said...

hahaha ROTFL!!
Again you crack me up!
Don´t you just love it, when you can shut your teenager up like that??
And prove to them that we are indeed not as dumb as we look?!

Veggie Mom said...

Between your hysterical jabbering and the cow fart pix I'm just about rolling on the floor right now!

Veggie Mom said...

BTW, Uncle Lynn decided to join the Bloggy Giveaway Carnival this week, so we're having an impromptu Pop'rs Giveaway this week!

Mama Kat said...

When I was in high school I always tried to gross my mom out with my knowledge.

Turns out your mom always wins in the category...just not visuals you ever need to have.

I can't wait to use that ammo. :)

DysFUNctional Mom said...

High five for leaving a teenager speechless! Sounds like a conversation we'd have in the minivan.

Fida said...

I read through all your posts you did while I was gone, and oh boy, was I entertained. I got a few wrinkles more! Occasionally funny? Yea, right! And I love your fearlessness! I am with you on that excess spending for an inauguration, even if it is a historical one. But then again, I am Swiss, and they can be downright frugal. I don’t get that North American consumerism either. Though I have to admit, Europe is catching up pretty fast. Anyway, you and your family are so much fun.

Fida said...

Oh, and where is that Paypal link? You've gotta go!