My life in pictures, stories and open letters.

My life in pictures, stories and open letters.

Please be advised that you are entering my blog.
My blog.
The opinions herein are mine.
I am free to rant and vent to my heart's content.
If you find yourself mentioned here, then you've made quite an impression on me.
Feel free to read on if you would like to know if that impression is good, bad or ugly.
If you choose not to know, I invite you to move your mouse over to the little red X in the top corner of your screen and click.
Regardless of the option you choose, I hope you have a fabulous day!

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Wordful Wednesday hosted by Angie

It's a hot one folks! You may want to grab your nearest Maxim magazine and fan yourselves!

Okay, so what we have here are dumb-ass females who seem to think that this is okay.
They may realize that on some level they have some talent - with their clothes on - however, they insist on succumbing to the crumbling morals of society. Let's all remember that this is sold on the regular shelves right next to the half naked women on our own magazine covers. I realize that this sets the stage for expectations as our boys grow up seeing this. What worries me, though, is our daughters growing up seeing it. Is it any wonder that doing little "favors" for the boys is seen as such a minor thing? What more are they worth, really? If this bimbo can go public with so little self respect, what can our daughters expect from themselves?
Hmmm. Not much skin showing here... Yet still sexy.

Yes, she looks quite desperate here, I must say. Although she is certainly enjoying that rock she is sitting on. And let's all take notice of the "catfight" on the top corner of the magazine. We all know that most men can be pretty shallow and enjoy these kinds of things, but really, MUST we give it to them??? They make us all look stupid.
Again, no nudity. Sex appeal. AND he's a doctor! A smart one. A bit of a rebel. A bad boy if you will. A fully clothed bad boy.

I totally expected more from Jenny. She seems like such a nice girl. I'm happy that she looks a little uncomfortable with the whole scene, and that, of all of them, she didn't have to go overboard or rub herself up against anything.

We even allow ours to age.

Oh, please. Do you really think you're leaving anything to the imagination? I totally give her the props, because she works very hard to keep that fabulous body. But, you know what? Naked bodies are not attractive. They just aren't. "Every woman's crazy 'bout a sharp-dressed man" for a reason. Same goes for a woman. While we (well, actually, I totally excuse myself from this statement) can pull off a bikini better than a man, save it for the beach, not for the rack at every corner store. And I totally love what this does to the average girl's sense of esteem and self-worth.

This doesn't even need words. Which is good. Because I can't think of a single one.

Isn't this a magazine cover that would make any father proud? That is another thing I think about. Do they REALLY want their Dad's seeing them like this? I would be so creeped out. I mean, seriously, what is she rubbing her nether regions up against? Oh, and goodie for Daddy! Just looky, her sister is going to be posing inside with her. Yup. That's definitely a guy thing. Weird.
Okay, yes. There is skin here. But no private parts just begging for our attention. And he is simply walking. He is not draped over anything. Nor is he sticking his hind end up to something, making us think that he wishes it were us. Which is great. Because we're smarter than that, aren't we ladies?

This really does trouble me.
It scares me for society.
It makes me worry about my daughters, like I don't have enough daughter troubles on my plate.
It makes me angry that we can't just be accepted as we are.
It embarrasses me that women are posing like this and making us all out to be only worthy of looking pretty on a man's arm. Or a rock. Or whatever that thing is on Paris's ass.
I'm embarrassed and humiliated and yet I feel like there's not a darned thing I can do about it.
How do we teach our daughters that this is NOT OKAY!?

Blogging. The Good. The Bad. And the Ugly.

A few people have done this recently. I don't recall where it started, but I do know the last one I read was over at Blogstalker. The assignment was to list five things, positive and/or negative about blogging. I've had a rough week, so this may be a little heavy. Are you ready?

  1. Blogging for me is an outlet of sorts.  I spend my days typing other people's thoughts (I'm a medical transcriptionist) and have found my poor little brain falling asleep, a cranial atrophy of sorts.  I don't know if that is a real word. Cut me some slack.  I work in cardiology. This allows my brain to exercise and hopefully discover what it's really capable of.  This is both positive and negative because while it truly feels good, it means I add a couple of hours to my "work day".
  2. I, personally, don't see why it's different to spend some time on my ass at the computer, or do the same in front of the TV. I guess TV can be spent, even quietly, with the family, while computer time is a solo "activity". Regardless, my family insists on harassing me over it. "Where's Mom?" "Where do you think? At the computer, of course." When it actually turns out I'm doing dishes or laundry, or working at the computer. I've told them all that if I'm going to be accused of it, well then by God, that's what I'll do. That'll teach them.  lol
  3. Blogging is my escape from my reality. I can come on here and laugh at your stories, or my own, which my husband thinks is a little silly, but, yes, I truly do laugh at myself. Or I can write about the ups and downs that are my life (I have a teenage daughter with anger issues!), and you can choose to read and leave, read and comment, or shake your head and with a single click remove me from your life. That is your choice and I'm okay with that. I do hope that you give me a second chance if you come on a downer day, because those, at least on my blog, are few and far between.
  4. My regular stuff isn't getting done like it should.  I used to crank up the music and spend some time on my house. Not very often, but I would do it. Now, cleaning is a race. With my little one in school, I'm determined to get on top of some of this mess. You know, the baseboards and top shelves, the grime in the corners, and the slobber on the walls. (What? You don't have slobber on your walls? You must not have a 180 pound English Mastiff who can shower you with one shake of his head. But, while you may be thankful for that, you also don't have him snuggled at your feet wherever you go, because he just happens to love you THAT much. And not just anyone will get near MY feet, folks!) I am getting it done, but it's not that relaxed, feel good kind of cleaning that feels more like therapy than anything else. Besides blogging, that is.
  5. I tend to get in my moods where I hide from the world. Thankfully I have a few good friends who are very accepting of my ways. I gain weight, I go into hiding. I feel overwhelmed, I go into hiding. Well, little did you know, until now, that I am hiding in your posts, and my own. I am capable of hiding anywhere, be it a good book, the TV, Walmart, but it's just more fun with all of you.
You will notice that I didn't specifically point out the negative/positive of each point. That is because I'm just not quite sure. But they are what they are. The only real negative I know, is that it is another sedentary hobby, on top of my sedentary job and the sedentary chauffeuring I do with my kids. The other is that it can be quite overwhelming. I have found that I have around a dozen blogs that I will read faithfully, and who usually visit in return. If I have time, I will go exploring, and if someone I don't recognize leaves some comment love, I will go over and say hello, and thank you for coming. I think that is only right. I am wowed by the bloggers that routinely get dozens of comments daily. I would love to have that sort of "audience" one day, but honestly, I don't have the time to reciprocate with numbers like that!! I love my dozen, and will work hard to keep them entertained and returning. That is enough for me. 

Be sure to come back tomorrow for some Wordful Wednesday, hosted by Angie!

Monday, September 29, 2008

Monday Morning Mayhem

This guy's got it all figured out! I love 
the wedgie pose at the end!


 Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out. 
 Both were very faithful and loving wives, however they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers. 

 Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to Pee, so they stopped in the cemetery. 

 One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them. 

 Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them. 

 She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that. 

 After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home. 

 The next day one of the woman's husband was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed  hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said: 
 'These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with no panties!!' 

 'That's nothing' said the other husband, 'Mine came back with a card stuck to her ass that said..... 

 'From all of us at the Fire Station.  We'll never forget you.'' 

Have a great Monday everyone!

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Foto Fiesta with Candid Carrie!!!!!!

Okay, so if anyone read yesterday's post, you will understand today's.

This doesn't happen often, but I treated yesterday more like a "Dear Diary" post than a normal Rhonda-style post.  I managed to hurt my husband and scare my mom, not to mention what my wonderful blog friend's thought of it.

So, today, Laughing Happy Smiling Rhonda broke through to send a message to crabby, tired, irritable Rhonda.

She says cut out the pity party and get on with the real stuff already!  And then she made this face....

This is a picture of Laughing Happy Smiling Rhonda when she was, hmmmm, I don't know. Young.

Yeah. I get the message. Loud and clear.

It's quite possible my next post will be about something good.  Like the time I overmedicated my husband. Won't that be exciting??

Okay Mama Kat. My dog didn't eat my homework ... although he tried.

The homework assignment that I have chosen from Professor Kat this week is to write a letter to someone I miss greatly.

But first, this:

On top of the hours I have spent working over the last little while, and there have been many, I have yet to pass up putting a little bit of myself out there in blogland for everyone. I have not had enough time, though, to come and peek into your life and leave my comment love, but I hope you feel it. Do you?? Because it's there .... buried underneath all of these photographs, and CDs and DVDs and albums. Please bear with me, just for a little longer. Thank you everyone for coming over to see me anyway. I'll be back to your blog in just another little while.... Two more very rough weeks are ahead.

With that said, let's get on to the task at hand.

So, to write a letter to someone I miss greatly.  Naturally, my Grampa, whom I wrote about last week, comes to mind.  Shelley, my sister-in-law, who has also been the subject of many posts, was tapping at my brain.  I even thought of my paternal Grandmother, who passed away when I was five. My cousins all tell me that I missed out on an incredible woman. (We lived a province over.) But, even though that one would be a cool one to write, no. That wasn't hitting me in the gut either.

And then it dawned on me.

Here goes:

Dear laughing, happy, smiling Rhonda:

Well, it's been a while my old friend.  Probably about eight years, to be honest.  You've been gone a long time.

I don't know if it was motherhood that had you running for the hills.  You adored the ages the kids were at when you left, so I don't think that's it. But one never knows.

Was it dealing with all of the emotions and stress involved with having a spouse whose head and heart always seemed to be elsewhere?  Well, he's back now, laughing, happy, smiling Rhonda.  Perhaps you could come back too?

Quite possibly you had only just turned your back. You hadn't left yet.

And then Drama Queen turned into the hormonal roller coaster basket case who figured you were to blame for everything? Or maybe when you turned away, Drama Queen could feel it, but didn't understand, so she just got angry herself, which has made it worse for everyone. 

When Shelley left us to end her own darkness, it's quite possible that that took more of a toll on you than people realize. And perhaps the world just got a little darker for you, too.

It's most likely that you gave up the fight when angry, sad, frowning Rhonda took on too many jobs and felt the weight of the world on her shoulders.  You don't have to explain how working four jobs, doing laundry, dishes, helping provide the basics for your family, on top of event planning and chauffeuring, and trying to remember where everyone is supposed to be and when 117 people's birthdays and anniversaries are, and the weight gain that has happened in the process can get really heavy after a while.

Well, there is a light at the end of that tunnel, so you can pack up your things and get ready to come back now, okay? 

Maybe happy, laughing, smiling Rhonda can join the gym again. You really, truly loved it there, didn't you?

Perhaps instead of angry, sad, frowning Rhonda trying to be invisible in her own life so that no one will notice her, you could come back in bolds and noise and try to enjoy your family again, and shout it out for all the world to hear when you discover you CAN, in fact, laugh and dance with them again.

Maybe you could help angry, sad, frowning Rhonda see her life with humor like she does on her blog. 

Life truly is worth laughing at. You'll come back and help her remember that, won't you?

Trust me when I say that EVERYONE misses you.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Wordful Wednesday hosted by Angie

Hey! Welcome! I figured that it's time for everyone to meet Leon. I think the rest of my family has been pretty well covered, but Leon is still only whatever prince or knight in shining armor you have conjured in your imagination.

Leon, dancing with our oldest, Asia, at our wedding in 1996.  And yes, that is me in the picture in the background.

At the wedding of a childhood friend of mine in Jasper, Alberta, in about 2000.

We made a holiday out of the wedding trip. This is also in Jasper.
Leon performing for the Gibbons Fire Department ladies night! It was a little weird how REALLY good he was at bringing out his feminine side.

Leon, being a goofball (2003-ish). But he looks so natural, doesn't he?

Leon. A real firefighter now. This picture was from his volunteer years in 2004.

For those of you who haven't been faithfully reading my delightful stories (shame on you), Leon is my husband of too long. 
He's the one who, since reading my blog and learning that I am insane about the toilet paper roll being just so, keeps changing it.  
He's the one who will change my facebook status, if I am foolish enough to leave it on, to things like "Rhonda thinks she is a male magnet!" or "Rhonda thinks she's got it all goin' on!" or "Rhonda thinks Leon is the best husband EVER!". 
He's the one who can be the best gay guy on the entire planet, and still turn it all on in his jeans and cowboy boots.
Yup. That's him.
My prince. My knight in shining armor.
My schmuck. 

For more on Wordful Wednesday, go and visit Angie at 7 Clown Circus! She'd just love that! 


Spankin' the Monkey

As promised (well, not really, but it makes me feel valued and oh, so loved) I will now enlighten you in the not-so-proper ways of teaching, and learning, to spank the monkey.

I lived just down the street from my elementary school.  My friend, however, lived further away. So, against my mother's warnings and death threats, I would walk my friend through the first boardwalk, and then walk down the alley to get to my house. 

There were times when that alley was not altogether safe. 

It was where I got chased during that first week of my grade 7 year by my brother's friend, who was armed with shaving cream. 

There was the first week of grade ten when I was chased yet again by froshers down that alley, but at least that time I didn't have to outrun them. I only had to outrun my friend. Which I did.

It was where I was cornered by two snarling doberman pinschers. I was eventually saved by neighbours who were driving past.
And there was the time that a car stopped me. It was a light blue four door with a man driving. He asked me if I wanted to see a trick. I said okay, knowing better, but also, you remember, I was not one to embarrass myself or others, or make anyone feel bad.

I actually walked right up close to the car and watched through his open window as he dug in his pocket for, I was assuming cards or balls (you laugh, but I actually thought this was a possibility). 


He brought out his "thingy". I swear to this day, he did not actually reach inside his pants. He seriously did go into his pocket. He must have had his zipper open and just kind of maneuvered through his pants. Perhaps he was worried about scaring me off before he had a chance to finish what he had started.

He spanked it and milked it in just a few short strokes, my friends. I mean, he was good at it. If only I knew then what I knew now, I'd have been embarrassed for the poor bugger. It was that quick.

And then he looked up at me and said "See? Wasn't that neat?"

I responded with the ever-polite, "Uh, yeah."

And then he said good-bye, and I walked the rest of the way home.

I told my brothers what happened. You aren't gonna' believe this, but I was THAT naive as a kid, and with two older brothers even, I didn't realize JUST how bad this act was. Weird? Yes. Illegal? Hmmmm, really? 

When I saw my brothers' reactions, I got so scared. I thought for sure I was gonna' be in trouble. And for more than just going through the alley. And I was so painfully shy, I just wanted to forget the whole thing!

But, no. My parents had other ideas. 

Hey, they thought, let's take this shy little girl, who still has no clue what was so bad about what she had just witnessed, and make her tell two male police officers.

I had already locked myself in the bathroom. I just sat on the toilet lid and cried. I was mortified. (Yes, you can be mortified without even knowing the word.)

So I told my mom what had happened while we were in the privacy and comfort of the bathroom.

And then I either got coaxed out, or dragged out, kicking and screaming. It's possible that the police even came into the bathroom to talk to me. It could have been done by morse code with the water tap, or by slipping little notes back and forth underneath the bathroom door. I haven't got a clue.

But I do know that I told my story and that they were very interested in finding this guy. I had to give his description (ummm, about four inches?) and tell them about his car.

I don't think they ever found him.

I understand their urgency now. 

I know that pedophiles get worse. He was probably just putting out perverted "feelers" when he stopped me because magazines and videos just weren't cutting it anymore. Perhaps by now he has a child held hostage in his sex room in the basement. Or maybe he is in jail.  

It could be that he was totally disgusted with himself and never did it again. Not likely, because he wasn't nervous at all. He seemed quite comfortable, actually.

Regardless, being a mother now, this story is enough to make me throw up. Two of my kids, the oldest of whom should DEFINITELY have known better, just followed some stranger home from the park for ice cream only a couple weeks ago. Yup. Off they went, without a concern in the world. 

We drove around and eventually found them, completely oblivious to the wrath they were bringing out in their mother and to supper getting cold on the table at home. (I really was more concerned about my children than angry over the cooling food, but seriously, it was a roast and smelled FANTASTIC!!) 

I digress...

I hope you enjoyed my Memorable Monday story on this fine Tuesday.

And for the love of God, if you have a child like I was, lock it in a room until it is around 20.

Monday, September 22, 2008

The Weekend Warrior!

I know. I proclaimed today as Memorable Monday and promised fits of laughter at my childhood stupidity. Instead, the only thing I ask you to remember is how insanely busy I was this weekend and that I was TOTALLY thinking of all of you and worrying about how disappointed you would be that Monday is now a hodge-podge mish-mash of some of the photos I took this weekend!

I'd love to hear your thoughts on them if you have time!

Happy scrolling...

Oh, and yes, I did discover that it would have taken much less time to just tell you the story about the guy who stopped me in the alley to show me how one properly spanks the monkey. Perhaps tomorrow...

Brotherly love....

He totally thinks that I'm the coolest person he's ever met. Don't let the finger fool you.

He tried to put his arm around her and she totally put him in his place. It was inspiring.

When, oh when will this ordeal be over?? No worries. He totally loves me too.

Kudos to the bride on this one.  She requested it, and I totally love it!

I have no words that could even begin to explain this moment.

I caught the cute little missy yawning during the ceremony! Too cute!