My life in pictures, stories and open letters.

My life in pictures, stories and open letters.

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Thursday, September 25, 2008

Okay Mama Kat. My dog didn't eat my homework ... although he tried.

The homework assignment that I have chosen from Professor Kat this week is to write a letter to someone I miss greatly.

But first, this:

On top of the hours I have spent working over the last little while, and there have been many, I have yet to pass up putting a little bit of myself out there in blogland for everyone. I have not had enough time, though, to come and peek into your life and leave my comment love, but I hope you feel it. Do you?? Because it's there .... buried underneath all of these photographs, and CDs and DVDs and albums. Please bear with me, just for a little longer. Thank you everyone for coming over to see me anyway. I'll be back to your blog in just another little while.... Two more very rough weeks are ahead.

With that said, let's get on to the task at hand.

So, to write a letter to someone I miss greatly.  Naturally, my Grampa, whom I wrote about last week, comes to mind.  Shelley, my sister-in-law, who has also been the subject of many posts, was tapping at my brain.  I even thought of my paternal Grandmother, who passed away when I was five. My cousins all tell me that I missed out on an incredible woman. (We lived a province over.) But, even though that one would be a cool one to write, no. That wasn't hitting me in the gut either.

And then it dawned on me.

Here goes:

Dear laughing, happy, smiling Rhonda:

Well, it's been a while my old friend.  Probably about eight years, to be honest.  You've been gone a long time.

I don't know if it was motherhood that had you running for the hills.  You adored the ages the kids were at when you left, so I don't think that's it. But one never knows.

Was it dealing with all of the emotions and stress involved with having a spouse whose head and heart always seemed to be elsewhere?  Well, he's back now, laughing, happy, smiling Rhonda.  Perhaps you could come back too?

Quite possibly you had only just turned your back. You hadn't left yet.

And then Drama Queen turned into the hormonal roller coaster basket case who figured you were to blame for everything? Or maybe when you turned away, Drama Queen could feel it, but didn't understand, so she just got angry herself, which has made it worse for everyone. 

When Shelley left us to end her own darkness, it's quite possible that that took more of a toll on you than people realize. And perhaps the world just got a little darker for you, too.

It's most likely that you gave up the fight when angry, sad, frowning Rhonda took on too many jobs and felt the weight of the world on her shoulders.  You don't have to explain how working four jobs, doing laundry, dishes, helping provide the basics for your family, on top of event planning and chauffeuring, and trying to remember where everyone is supposed to be and when 117 people's birthdays and anniversaries are, and the weight gain that has happened in the process can get really heavy after a while.

Well, there is a light at the end of that tunnel, so you can pack up your things and get ready to come back now, okay? 

Maybe happy, laughing, smiling Rhonda can join the gym again. You really, truly loved it there, didn't you?

Perhaps instead of angry, sad, frowning Rhonda trying to be invisible in her own life so that no one will notice her, you could come back in bolds and noise and try to enjoy your family again, and shout it out for all the world to hear when you discover you CAN, in fact, laugh and dance with them again.

Maybe you could help angry, sad, frowning Rhonda see her life with humor like she does on her blog. 

Life truly is worth laughing at. You'll come back and help her remember that, won't you?

Trust me when I say that EVERYONE misses you.


Melissa said...

Wow Rhonda!! That was wonderful!! I need to write the same thing!!! I did receive my book and thank you so much!!! I need to do my own pay it forward but don't know where to start! Got any ideas?

Ronda's Rants said...

I haven't personally met any of those other Rhondas but I would like them too! The Rhonda...I feel and know is funny, kind, thoughtful and insightful but possibly a little tired! I am going to ponder my Rondas!

KatBouska said...

I hope you listen to yourself Rhonda! I don't know the troubled side of you (we all have one, don't we??) but I LOVE blog Rhonda!!

I added your name to mr. linky...not sure what was wrong with it...

Claremont First Ward said...

What a brilliant idea to write to yourself. I hope that the weight of the world is lifted from your shoulders so that the much missed happy, smiling Rhonda comes back. Sending you big, big hugs.

Rebel With.A.Cause said...

Awwwww sweetie... here is a big fat HUG from the NC!!! I just caught up on the last few days, and I have to tell you I LOVE the pictures that you do!! If you lived here I would so pay you to take pics of our family!!!

Hang in there sweetie, some days are worse then others!!


Diva Ma @ Mommy Fabulous said...

That was a good post. Thanks for that read. I needed it.

wy-not said...

WAAAAH! You make you mama sad. Whatever part I had in sending happy smiling Rhonda running for the hills, I am so sorry. I hope she feels the love, throws back the covers, tosses up the dark blind, opens the window wide and shouts out to the world, "I AM BACK. I AM WOMAN. HEAR ME ROAR." People can't take all of you, babe. Only the part you're willing to give. Don't let them (read: me??) take too much. There has to be some left for yourself.

Betty said...

I just want to ((hug)) you! Awww! I love the blog Rhonda and I can´t believe she´s not like this in real life.
I think realizing that our inner selves need to come out is a big step in the right direction.

It´s ok, if you don´t comment when you´re busy. We will wait for your witty humor!

tiarastantrums said...

this was a nice post!! Stick to your plan - if not - get some botox to get rid of the frown!! (smiles)

Weeksie50 said...

What a great post.. and a good friend you are..

Mamahut said...

Good Gawd Girl ya made me cry. You have to come back, I don't know which Rhonda I have been visiting with but I very much respect and like her. I tell my hubby when one of the mean and nasty Sherrel's are in the he can grab the kids and run. I think kids as awsome as they are, can suck the original you out. It's good that you realize what's happening. That makes you way ahead of the game.

Lex the mom said...

It's amazing what we have inside & what we show to others in the outside world. I can relate & understand what you are talking about, but I do tend to allow the good side in more, lately.

Great letter & thanks for sharing.

Aunt Julie said...

Great Post! You hit the nail right on the proverbial Bloggy Head!!

Diane said...

Oh, I hope she comes back! I think I might write a letter like that, too. Thanks for sharing :)

Heather said...

You'll find your smile again. I just know it.

Melissa said...

Wow...that was just great!!! Such a good idea and so much from the heart...geez, I could use one of those letters!!

Bradie Sparrow said...

What a touching post Rhonda. I can relate to what you are saying. It sounds like you've dealt with a lot over the past years and I think it's only natural to feel those feelings.

Most people aren't aware of the fog that clouds their chance at happiness. Good on you for wanting to be happy. I think now that you have put it out there, your sub-conscience will drag you from the dark hole screaming and shouting.

By the way I've been thinking about getting back to the gym too and would love a workout partner. Please tell me you will join me as I'll never do it on my own.