But first, this:
On top of the hours I have spent working over the last little while, and there have been many, I have yet to pass up putting a little bit of myself out there in blogland for everyone. I have not had enough time, though, to come and peek into your life and leave my comment love, but I hope you feel it. Do you?? Because it's there .... buried underneath all of these photographs, and CDs and DVDs and albums. Please bear with me, just for a little longer. Thank you everyone for coming over to see me anyway. I'll be back to your blog in just another little while.... Two more very rough weeks are ahead.
With that said, let's get on to the task at hand.
So, to write a letter to someone I miss greatly. Naturally, my Grampa, whom I wrote about last week, comes to mind. Shelley, my sister-in-law, who has also been the subject of many posts, was tapping at my brain. I even thought of my paternal Grandmother, who passed away when I was five. My cousins all tell me that I missed out on an incredible woman. (We lived a province over.) But, even though that one would be a cool one to write, no. That wasn't hitting me in the gut either.
And then it dawned on me.
Dear laughing, happy, smiling Rhonda:
Well, it's been a while my old friend. Probably about eight years, to be honest. You've been gone a long time.
I don't know if it was motherhood that had you running for the hills. You adored the ages the kids were at when you left, so I don't think that's it. But one never knows.
Was it dealing with all of the emotions and stress involved with having a spouse whose head and heart always seemed to be elsewhere? Well, he's back now, laughing, happy, smiling Rhonda. Perhaps you could come back too?
Quite possibly you had only just turned your back. You hadn't left yet.
And then Drama Queen turned into the hormonal roller coaster basket case who figured you were to blame for everything? Or maybe when you turned away, Drama Queen could feel it, but didn't understand, so she just got angry herself, which has made it worse for everyone.
When Shelley left us to end her own darkness, it's quite possible that that took more of a toll on you than people realize. And perhaps the world just got a little darker for you, too.
It's most likely that you gave up the fight when angry, sad, frowning Rhonda took on too many jobs and felt the weight of the world on her shoulders. You don't have to explain how working four jobs, doing laundry, dishes, helping provide the basics for your family, on top of event planning and chauffeuring, and trying to remember where everyone is supposed to be and when 117 people's birthdays and anniversaries are, and the weight gain that has happened in the process can get really heavy after a while.
Well, there is a light at the end of that tunnel, so you can pack up your things and get ready to come back now, okay?
Maybe happy, laughing, smiling Rhonda can join the gym again. You really, truly loved it there, didn't you?
Perhaps instead of angry, sad, frowning Rhonda trying to be invisible in her own life so that no one will notice her, you could come back in bolds and noise and try to enjoy your family again, and shout it out for all the world to hear when you discover you CAN, in fact, laugh and dance with them again.
Maybe you could help angry, sad, frowning Rhonda see her life with humor like she does on her blog.
Life truly is worth laughing at. You'll come back and help her remember that, won't you?
Trust me when I say that EVERYONE misses you.