My life in pictures, stories and open letters.

My life in pictures, stories and open letters.

Please be advised that you are entering my blog.
My blog.
The opinions herein are mine.
I am free to rant and vent to my heart's content.
If you find yourself mentioned here, then you've made quite an impression on me.
Feel free to read on if you would like to know if that impression is good, bad or ugly.
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Regardless of the option you choose, I hope you have a fabulous day!

Monday, October 26, 2009

Everything You Ever Needed To Know About Shoulder Checking, You Are Learning Here, My Friends!

Today I experienced a few different situations in which people COULD HAVE shoulder checked and, for that brief moment, COULD HAVE shown some thought for someone other than themselves. This is, however, a very selfish time we live in. Everyone is looking after number 1. and they think that is okay.

Well, it's not.

So, here we go:

  • When participating in the rat race that is riding the train in rush hour, it would be incredibly considerate to glance behind you before you sling your purse over your should in the very packed train and try to take me out! Or you could have glanced back afterward, while uttering the standard quick, automatic, "sorry". I would have accepted that. I got neither.

  • When hurrying from that train over to the parking lot, it would be really cool if you were to do a quick shoulder check before you cut over to make that quick turn, or to get into the right-hand rush of bodies. That quick look would have allowed you to see me already occupying that space.

  • When you reach the doors of the above mentioned train station, perhaps you would be considerate enough to look back to see if someone is exiting directly behind you so you could hold the door. It is a gesture which takes approximately 1/4 of a second, but I understand that you are too busy for that. Next time, just turn and look, and you will see the ghost of a smile on that person's lips and a "thank you" ready on their tongue, just for you. My rule of thumb is, if there is someone less than five paces behind me, I stand for those two seconds and hold the door. It is amazing how the smile you receive from that person can lift your spirits.

  • When you are walking down the sidewalk, passing by the train station, where traffic is backed up with cars needing to get out, take a quick peek behind you at the cars coming down the street. Their is a good chance, as it is murphy's law after all, that their only break in traffic for the last five minutes, will be at the precise moment that you are sauntering past. The drivers in these moments really appreciate your kindness when you notice this, and either hurry past, or stop and wave them on. I have been known to do this, and again, it is uplifting to do something unselfish for someone else. And really, that's a pretty small thing.

  • Lastly, when you are looking to change lanes in traffic, pay attention to how quickly the car is coming in the lane you want to get into. If they are traveling faster than you, just let them past before you get into that lane. That is hugely annoying to someone who, while probably driving faster than the legal limit, is held back by someone who just simply isn't paying attention.

And that, my friends, is your lesson in shoulder checking. Not so hard, eh?
(I added that last bit for my American friends, who found, to their disappointment, that I didn't sound Canadian. lol)

Sunday, October 25, 2009

I Made Little Lazer Beam Shooting Noises In My Head

This morning, like a good girl, I set the alarm so I could go to the gym before we start our busy day of sports, sports, sports and birthday parties.

I did yoga.

Quit laughing.

I bended and I pretzelled and I swore.

When we had to go up high on our knees, then lean back with one hand to rest it on your heel then reach up, up , up to the sky, chin up, chest open, I damned near died.

And when she said to visualize your energy right from your toes, going through your body and shooting out your fingertips to the ceiling, I actually did it. And then I made little lazer beam shooting sounds in my head.

When we had to sit with one foot crossed over the other leg, the opposite arm across your leg, another arm behind you and looking back, she was saying "Now feel the relaxation in your twisted back". The only thing i felt was P*A*I*N! Others are closing their eyes and enjoying this mother effin agony.

The water music bubbled and burbled, the birds were singing and there was the sound of a harp in the distance.

I just desperately wanted to haul out my ipod and get some Def Leppard screaming in my brain!

Perhaps yoga isn't for me.

But I'll give it another few weeks because I am NO quitter.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

My Story In Pictures - SITScation Grand Finale. This is it. I promise.

Friday Night

These dudes take people all through the canal shops and right outside the hotel.
Very cool indeed.
The desserts that barely got touched. Alcohol and cheesecake have been known to not stay in my gut at the same time. I chose the alcohol. The next day though, Tiffany practically threatened our lives if we didn't polish off the hugely expensive desserts!! So I did.
Heather. She is as tiny as her voice. If you've watched their scorpion hunt videos you'll know what I'm talking about.


Looking down at the pools from my room.
Looking down on the Tao Beach Club where Kim Kardashian's birthday party was.

The view from my room. HAHAHAHAHA! Seriously! I had to chuckle. I was so rarely in there it really didn't matter.

After Friday night, there was LOTS of this to be seen.

Sugar Jones spoke of Blogging For Good. Your inner bitch should only be an occassional visitor to your blog. SPREAD THE HAPPY THOUGHTS AND COMMENTS, PEOPLE!

AMA rep and AMA PR gal. We were each gifted a $5 Starbucks card!! Woot Woot!
Laurie Turk from Tip Junkie, and she spoke of all around general blogging tips, and ways to get your small business going and helping other small businesses.

Tiffany, wearing her apple pie.

A little person.

Jen spoke of not being scared to VLOG. Didn't work. Still scared over here! The web cam DOES put on another 10 pounds, doesn't it?

It was at this point in the afternoon where this Canadian girl snuck out for some sunshine.

I made friends with some awesome people in the elevator on my way there and Maryanne actually came walking around to find me 10 minutes later by one of the pools to let me know they had a third seat and did I want to come and join them! Now is that awesome, or what!!!
Maryanne, if you read this, please send me your email address again. I put it in a very "safe place" and now I can't find it!!!

Back inside for the panel/View segment. Renee from Cutie Bootie Cakes was still up so I caught the tail end of hers. She spoke of going to the next level. A power blogger, if you will.

The View
Unfortunately they were out of time before they even started, so it wasn't quite what they had hoped for, but it was still good.

Kat and Lula.

Saturday Night

M&M World!!
Leslie with MadaMe M&M

Me and M-Elvis

Trish with MadaMe M&M. Unfortunately my flash bailed on me for her picture. Maybe she can send me a better one?? Hint Hint. lol

Just because.

The front of a shirt that we found walking down the strip. I LOVED IT!!!!

So that's it on the conference. You won't hear about it again.... Until the next one.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Once Upon A Time A Really Drunk Chick Walked Into A Hotel Room In Vegas...

The first night of the conference last weekend was a dance/ice breaker sort of thing. I missed the intros earlier because of my flight time/shuttle fiasco, so I went in cold, not knowing anyone.

And like I said before, in those situations I keep a drink in one hand and my camera in the other. Trish said she thought that I was the official photographer! lol


Eventually I went and sat at a table and I was joined by first two wonderful bloggers, and then two other wonderful bloggers.

The first ones were Kim and Katie from L.A. And for the life of me I cannot get my poken (electronic business card sort of things we all got) to work, or to rephrase that, I cannot figure out HOW it works, so I can't link up to them, which is too bad.

The second pair was Trish and Leslie from North Carolina. I went for dinner with them on Saturday night and went on the roller coaster with Trish's cousin Katie (different Katie from above) and wandered the strip with them. They. Are. Awesome. And can you believe I didn't get a single picture with them? Sigh...

I did have a good many drinks that first night. In my defense they were small glasses. But I did have many. Because they were free. Finally I decided it was a pain to keep going up to the bar every five minutes, so the last time I went up I got two.
Wouldn't you know that my timing totally RULED because they changed over to a cash bar MINUTES after I filled both my paws! I should have bought a lottery ticket. Or played a slot. THAT is how rare a stroke of good luck like that is for me.

Anyway, once it changed over to a cash bar, the crowd thinned out pretty quickly. So I took my drink and sloshed my way up to the casino. I soon went up to my room, but it didn't take long to discover that I was pretty damn drunk and would not, could not, stay in my room.

So what does any normal drunk chick do when she is in Vegas alone?

Why she wanders the strip of course.

I found myself going in beautiful hotels by the front door, and somehow going out the back.

Not safe. Or smart. But it was what it was and that night I was INVINCIBLE!

I ended up in Walgreens where I bought Liv's stuffed dog.

I found myself giggling up moving sidewalks.

I was fortunate enough to see THREE pirate shows outside some hotel while the normal sober person only got to watch one. Sucks to be them.

I did finally stumble my way back to my room around 1:00. It took me about five minutes to figure out how to open my curtains to see the view from my upgraded room. (Those pictures will follow tomorrow. You will definitely want to come back tomorrow, because that is when I will be showing the majority of my Vegas pictures, including the "view from above" and pics of the speakers from Saturday.)

It turns out there was a remote control for the drapes. I know. Whodathunkit?

There wasn't much to see in the middle of the night, except the glow from the pools below.

I had been bumped "up" to the 20th floor.

I could look down at the Tao Beach Club, where Kim Kardashian (or whatever) was celebrating her birthday party.

And I could hear it. Oh Lordy, could I hear it.

But really, I was pretty stinking drunk. I mean, I didn't dance around my room or anything.

That would be just embarrassing to admit.

So I won't.

But I might have.


While giggling.

My bad.

Of note, I was almost on time for the conference first thing the next morning.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Wax On. Wax Off. Wax Scaring The Freaking Shit Out Of Us!!

On Saturday night after my new friends had gone to spend their casino slot credits, I carried on and did some more wandering.

I ended up taking some pictures for people, surprise surprise, and found myself at Madame Somethingorother's Wax Museum and Haunted House!!

Oh. My. God. Was it ever a hoot.

When it comes to talking to random strangers in line ups and elevators, I ROCK! I was grouped with four people to go through the haunted house. It is almost pitch black and all you are going through with is a glow stick.

They even suggest you empty your bladder BEFORE you go in. Now what does that tell you?

So the five of us walked into this dark, dark room, in a single file line. Before I knew what was going on, we were in more of a group huddle/hug situation.

Suddenly, being on the far left, I looked beside me and wouldn't you know it, some of these wax figures are REAL PEOPLE!! This little dude had his scary made up face, like, an inch from mine.

And he kept coming at me.

Well, I screamed like a little girl and threw myself backwards, my sunglasses flew off my head, thankfully into the hands of the lady behind me, and I darned near took out my team!

From there on, I had this young girl's fingers DIGGING into my shoulders to the point where I'm not really sure if the bruises on my shoulders are from the roller coaster or HER! But she was a screamer, and there is nothing like a MEGASCREAMER when you are in a haunted house!

We had one guy in our group, but to be honest, he was more of a chicken than we were! So I took the bull by the horns and led the group through, trying to be pro-active by taking bets on which of these figures was real and would jump at us or sneak up behind us. I figured, hey, I'm in Vegas and not winning anything on the slot machines, so I've got to try to win somewhere!

They didn't bite.

They did, however, entertain the hell out of me! That young gal screaming, and the guy trying to be all brave.

There was one point where I was heading to the exit with my entourage and he decided to look around the corner, where just seconds before I saw someone moving.

He stuck his face right in there and suddenly is running backwards squealing!!

Made. My. Night.

When we finally got to the exit (which was supposed to take us around 30 minutes but took us 10, probably due to the all-out sprint through some of the rooms while we were being chased!) the young girl literally launched herself out the door ahead of us and landed on her ass in the gift shop!

If you are going to Vegas in the next few weeks, I highly recommend this! It turns into the haunted house only after dark and is extra special/scary for Halloween!

Who Am I?

One of the comments made at the conference was that your blog should be who you are. I get that. And it is.

The next comment was about how it was disappointing to meet that person and find out that they are not who you expected them to be from how they have portrayed themselves on their blog.

Let me tell you that only a few got to meet "ME". It was very intimidating to be there alone. Many people had a sidekick, or even a group that they knew and stuck with. I think it was great of Tiffany and Heather to pull this off. I'm sure it was not easy! And I promise you, this is my only Debbie Downer post about the whole weekend. The rest will likely bit a little bit tongue in cheek or down right comical.

Carrying on...

Those few that I got to be "ME" with were the ones who actually welcomed me. They let me hang out with them. Walk the strip with them. Dine with them and shop with them. While I didn't mind so much wandering around by myself, some of the time, I am so thankful for those two fellow bloggers, whom I now consider friends.

I felt very out of my element. Even isolated sometimes. So what do you do if you are feeling like that? Well, if you are me, you make sure you have a drink in one hand and a camera in the other.

At the conference itself, I was silent.


(Oh, except for when I stood up at the very end to ask Heather to climb back up onto the table, because I missed it the first time. That was literally ALL I had to say. Weird.)

So if anyone comes by, which I doubt many will, because I really didn't "put myself out there", rest assured that I AM who I am on my blog.

I AM someone who had the kahonas to pack up, leave her family, and head to Vegas ALONE. Trust me, alone is okay; but LONELY sucks!

I AM someone who is funny and outgoing, but is a bit of a wall flower when I feel invisible.

I AM someone who can go out and chat with anyone, when I feel like I will be accepted.

And I didn't feel that way for the most part at the conference. It was very much over my head in regard to the technical blog mumbo-jumbo and overall drive to be a power blogger.

I just wanted to go and meet a few people in real life and make some new friends.

It is what you make of it, though, and I did have a wonderful time, met a few very friendly people, and ventured out of my comfort zone for an awesome adventure.

And now I'm home, refreshed and ready to roll.

Monday, October 19, 2009


So I literally am JUST home from SITScation in Vegas. There was a two hour delay for my flight: time I would have quite happily used to sit by the pool and chat with my new friends! When we finally landed, I was chosen by the humourless customs Byotch to get my stuff searched. Meanwhile, Leon's on nights and the girls are home waiting for me.


I look forward to telling you all about my weekend, from burning my legs with NAIR the morning I left, to the event itself, my brief escape for some sun, wandering around with a few wonderful ladies on Saturday night, sleeping in and laying by the pool on Sunday to finally getting home.

It's all an adventure.

But I'll leave you with this:

When you are a blogger, let it be known that what happens in Vegas, does not stay in Vegas. It makes its way into cyber-space for everyone's entertainment.

So, just to leave you with something so this poor soul can go to bed, here are a couple things I heard people say this weekend:

  • I guess I just have to poop faster!
  • I just, like, wanted to touch her bum!
  • Maybe I should go to the bathroom now so I don't shit myself on the roller coaster! (That one was yours truly my friends, and I DID go on the roller coaster!)

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Waking Up In Vegas!

Unfortunately the video was embed protected. Crap. Oh well. Love the song!

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Oh. My. God.

This is so freaking funny!!!

Now go see Candid Carrie for more goodies!

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Is It Any Wonder?

Welcome to our special project day hosted by Kat of Mama's Losin' It.

Today you get to hear about how totally special I am. And if you don't believe me, well then just ask me.

We're talking about moms today. Mine in particular.

And we're talking about me. 'Cause I'm just like that sometimes.

Kat wanted to know the story of our birth. Well, let me tell you, my brothers and I are so close together I think some of our stories merged into one at some point.

My mom had one boy when she was very young. Then she married my dad and had two more boys when she was still very young.

They were so done with having babies and had resigned themselves to their boys.

And then there was me. The surprise. The only girl. The cutest. The most longed for.

And that is how I know that I am extra special.

The doctor who caught me (I say that because after three kids myself, I know darned well who delivers babies, and it ain't the doctor!!) just happened to be the same doctor who caught my brothers. All three of them. So he said to my mom, who was anxiously waiting for him to announce what I was, "If it's got a handle on it, it's yours!"

I think he meant "Thank the good Lord above it's a girl this time!" But what I take that to mean is that a) I didn't have a handle, so b) I wasn't hers.

I have spent a lifetime wondering.

The funnier story, though, is of my brother's birth. My parents were new to the area and didn't know anyone in the neighbourhood. My grandparents both worked during the day and my dad's family lived in another province.

So when my mom went into labour with my brother, my dad actually went door to door to find some kind soul who would watch my other brother, who was the ripe old age of 16 months. And did I mention that my mom has long labours? (and she kindly passed down to me I must add .... thank God for epidurals!) I don't think they even knew her name. Before OR after. Bwa ha ha ha!

Can you imagine doing something like that now? You'd have that kid ripped out of your hot little possession faster than you can blink! I wonder if that lady that took Buddy in for the night at a moment's notice ever thinks about that!

Run on over to Kat's to check out the other participants!

And if you are going to Vegas ..... I'll see you Friday night!!

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Wordful Wednesday

This post doesn't need many words.

SITScation baby!

The solo adventure that I didn't have when I was young and skinny will look like this:

And this:

And this:

Need I say more?

Sunday, October 11, 2009

To Bathe Naked With Friends, Or Not To Bathe Naked With Friends. That Is The Question.

At our local YMCA, where we are members, they are renovating the change rooms. It is a real headache, seeing as they are renovating all the regular ones on the main floor as well as the family one ALL AT THE SAME TIME!! So they brought in portables OUTSIDE and you have to walk through the lobby to get to the swimming pool. To get to the bathroom you have to walk, soaking wet, out through the viewing area, through the lobby IN YOUR BATHING SUIT.

Not an ideal situation.

So Leon and I have 'upgraded' ourselves to the executive change rooms upstairs for now.

My first time in there, I discovered that people of certain ethnicity's are very comfortable in their own skin. I walked into the private hot tub area, and this lady is topless and pressing her boobs up against the jets.

Then she wanders around naked for, like, HOURS it seemed. She climbed up onto the bench right by where I had my locker, and I had to SQUEEZE past her nekked self to get to my stuff.


Today, there was a new experience.

Today, there were FRIENDS hot tubbing together. Naked.

Walking around, chatting, naked.

My friends, I adore you. Tammy, you've been my friend more than 2/3 of my life.

But I will not frolick in the hot tub with you. Naked.

Well, to be honest, I won't "frolick" with you dressed. No offense. lol

Lynne, my friend, same goes for you.

I will share many things with you, but my skin is not one of them. I would appreciate the same courtesy from you. And I know you would both feel the same way! lol

In all, this executive change room has been a wonderful experience. You feel special in there. You feel RICH in there. You feel pampered in there.

And the perks definitely outweigh the freakishness of bathing naked with your friend.

Am I a prude? Maybe.

Am I okay with being a prude?


Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Gotta Love Big Sisters!

Tonight I ran into the school to fill out my soccer registration form and left the two girls in the van. (No worries, good parents, the 190 pound dog was with them to keep them safe and warm.)

Do I insult you guys when I call you good parents? I hope not, because it truly isn't my intention and I mean it in the nicest possible way.


Anyway, I came back out to a screaming five year old.

This school is just off a dark highway, and so my 12 year old told the little one that she saw me come out of the school but someone dragged me off.

So the little one says, "She didn't die, did she?"

Wait for it.....

Wait for it.....

"Cause if she did, how are we gonna' get home??"


Tuesday, October 06, 2009

I Am So Thankful....

....For the random people that stop by and remind me of past posts.

When I had my vent session about my daughter this week, an anonymous person commented about a past post. It absolutely MADE MY DAY!! Check it out!

Anonymous said...
I just want to reassure you that you and your family are sooooo normal. I have a 14 year old daughter and am dealing with the SAME things! I am trying to hang in there just like you, but sometimes a "come to momma" moment (This is more powerful than a "come to Jesus" moment)is needed just to remind her that I AM the boss and if I say "NO" I mean "NO" and what I say is how. it. will. be. period...!!! Whew! I will keep thinking about you and praying that you don't send your precious off to boot camp any time soon and that she will someday SOON realize how to respect, love, and see how hard you work for the things you can provide for her. One day at a time, momma. One day at a time. P.S. I have your letter you wrote to Asia several months ago hanging on my fridge at home (I LOVED it!) and once in a while I have to call my Shelby, Asia, to get her to realize what she is doing! Too, funny! Love ya, Kristina

I had forgotten that letter, like so many posts before it. And I was so curious about it that I immediately went and searched for it so I could read it again.

Here it is:

My Dear Asia,

First and foremost, let me tell you how proud I am of you. You surround yourself with crazy, freaky people doing crazy, freaky things, and yet, you do none of it yourself. Your mouth goes before your brain most times, but you do stop and think before you act, which keeps you on the straight and narrow.

That said, I do now feel the need to explain a few things to you. Listen closely:

1. Contrary to what you and your friends believe, your mama ain’t dumb. (Don’t worry though. I was way smarter than your Gramma, and many others, back then too, so it would appear you’re perfectly normal.) I’ve walked a day or two in your shoes, albeit in a different generation. Some things are harder for you, but others are just the same. For example:

a. Junior high girls are bitches. (True to this day!!)

b. Keep your nose out of OPB! (“Other People’s Business.” We had our own cool acronyms in our day, too, you know!)

c. Don’t let your thong panties show above the waistband of your pants. (Oh no, wait. That one is specific to your generation!)

2. As much as you try to blame me for it, I am not responsible for scheduling badminton, baseball, soccer and cheerleading all on the same nights. Although, perhaps I should have warned you that life’s difficult decisions would begin at some point, rest assured that as long as we both come to the same conclusion in regard to prioritizing your life, all will be good in our world.

3. Talking (yelling) about how grown up you are and then rolling your eyes, stomping your feet and slamming doors is a total contradiction. You should stop that.

4. You really need to watch what you are eating, without becoming a walking eating disorder statistic, that is. I don’t want you to have my issues later in your own life. And issues like mine are happening to people younger and younger these days. Just be careful, that’s all. And for the love of all that is Holy, don’t eat nachos and cheese, with a side of white toast, waffles and chocolate before bed. That might be a good place to start a change of habit.

Okay, I’m done now. Have a great day at school. And yes, I’ll email all your coaches and let them know when they will be graced with your presence. And yes, I’ll pick up your grad dress after school. And yes, I’ve confirmed with Devyn when and where I will be picking him up. And yes, I will pick up Friday the 13th for you and your friends tonight. And yes, I will pick up some snacks.

Thank you for allowing me to do all this for you. It is a privilege, you can be sure.

Love Mom


So thank you, Kristina, for reminding me. I think that I, too, will print it and stick it to MY fridge.

I wonder how long that would last....?

Monday, October 05, 2009

I Was One Of Those People Today!

One of "those" people, you may be wondering?

You know, one of THOSE people, who thinks her time is more important than all those other schmucks.

One of THOSE people who will scoot along in the fast lane until she gets to the front of the slow lane and then cut in ahead of all those other people who have been rightfully waiting for that spot.

One of THOSE people who will change lanes and get back over just in time to get to the next red light just seconds ahead of everyone else.

You know.

THOSE people.

Some people think they are ignorant. I do too when I'm obeying all the rules.

Today, though?

I just think we're smarter than the rest.

And was I okay with being one of THOSE people today?

Yup. I sure was!


Sunday, October 04, 2009

Mouse Tails Monday

I can't decide what to tell you.

The one where I got the mop bucket out from the back entrance and dumped out the dirty water only to have one drowned, hairy mouse fall into my sink?

Nah. Too short.

The one where we had several traps set up in our old bungalow only to find that one of them went missing? Leon foolishly thought I may have moved it. HAHAHAHA! Nope. It was found two days later across the room, under the bed in the corner with a live mouse in it trying to chew it's leg off.

Hmmm. No. Not that one either. WAY too sad and graphic.

How about the one in our current bungalow maybe? I may have told it before, but can't remember.

We had a few bunnies in a hutch outside our back door. We noticed a couple of mice going from underneath our deck over to the bunny hutch. I was worried that the mice would start coming inside the house as it started getting colder, so went armed with a shovel and my two young witnesses and started digging.

At one point, a mouse came FLYING out from under the hutch. Scared the hell out of us!! Too funny!

Eventually I came across a very hard lump of hay and bunny fur.

Their nest.

So I shovelled a little deeper with the tip of the spade and pulled off the top of their nest.

And found brand spankin' new baby mice. As you know, I've seen my share of baby mice, and these were F*R*E*S*H!!

So, let's back track to when I first uncovered these wee babes.

With my two oldest daughters watching as I unveiled babies, instinct took over and I beat the hell out of them with my shovel.

After about five or so whallops, I stopped, shovel over my head bracing for another bash, and looked over at my stricken daughters.

And I realized this may not be the best lesson in humanity that I could ever teach them.

So I calmly asked them to run and get the garbage can, which had a bag in it. And I ever so carefully scooped them up and put them in the garbage bag, and then tied it up.

Better, no?

Amazingly, the little mouse parents never came back.

And the bunnies left soon thereafter too. If you've got time, you may want to read my bunny porn story, just for kicks. (When I pulled up this post to link it, I discovered it is the story I used as my farewell to blogging back when I needed to take a break. I can't believe I actually thought I could STOP!!! lol)

Thursday, October 01, 2009

Friday Foto Fiesta

Christopher and Asia goofing off needing only the shed, their shadows, her camera and their imaginations!

These shadow children behave FAR better then the flesh and blood variety!!