When Mama's Away ... The Peeps Will Play!

While I was out with Tammy on Friday night, the family let loose. They got crazy! 

Remember the filet mignon I pictured so nicely?  Well, this is it post-chew. Ick.

A girl and her dog ... He's just there for regurged steak, though.

Heart shaped filet mignon.  They must have been thinking of me.

Asia's spacer.  And uvula. Nice.

My dirty mirror.  --- I mean, my beautiful daughter!

I have HOW MANY kids again?

I don't know. She's got older sisters guiding her. 

Perhaps this generation's teenagers practice on door frames?

This is a cool one.

Go see Angie for more!

My First Will & Testament

Hear ye! Hear ye!

For all of those who (think they) will be receiving aplenty from me once I pass, listen up!

You're a fool.

Moving on.

I have a really busy week ahead and may not make it through. It will end with a soccer weekend in Calgary, so at least I'll die happy.

Here goes:

My First Will & Testament

For my beautiful children, I leave my debt. You caused it anyway, so it seems only fair.

Cassie, dear, darling middle child (insert surprise here at being named first!) you can have my computer. You are clearly the most addicted and act just a wee bit like your cranky sister when you are told to shut it down. But at least that is about the only time you're cranky ... unlike your sister, The Victim.

Asia, my freak of nature first child, beat of my heart (I knew I lost something when you were born), I leave to you my phones. Our house phone, which unfortunately does not text, and my cell phone, which is a cheap ass piece of crap and probably doesn't text either. But on a positive note, you can have a phone to each ear and text away on your own at the same time. You're welcome.

Liv. My sweet, sweet Liv. There is nothing left for you. I am depleted. I got zilch. Oh, wait!! You can have the TV, and the broken DVD player. Aren't you lucky? I'll also let you keep your thumb. Just do me a favour and cease the sucking on it by the time you join me in heaven in 93 years. Yes, I have it from a very good source that you will live to the ripened old age of 98. Can I get a woot woot for you?!

Leon. I'm sorry. I gave away everything to your girls. You will now have to ask THEM for permission to use any of them. Oh, and you can have the van. And the entire garage!! Won't that be a treat? Yes, you can have the entire bed to yourself too. For the rest of your life. I vow here and now to haunt any female that thinks she can take over in my place.

Oh, but wait. She would be so much less a woman, when compared to moi, that you would clearly see how incredibly awesome I was. Go ahead and date her. But she can't get in my bed. And she sure as shit can't have my pillow. Nor can she have your pillow. Unless she can rip it from under your head with the same gusto I can. Then all the power to her. Oh, and as a favour to me, please don't date the homewrecker chick you met the other day. Even though she is cute. She is WAY too young for you. In fact, she may even get people (Lilly) judging you as a pedophile. Gross.

My dog, Ringo. I leave you hungry, thirsty and sorely neglected. I know. What else is new? I actually do have one thing for you. My side of the bed. Spoon with Daddy. He quite likes that. Your back to his front. Anything else is just weird.

One last note to you all. Miss me terribly. Don't ever quite get over me. Speak of me (nicely) often. Cry every night into your pillows.

Girls, be bitchy to your new mom. Especially if it is the husband chaser. You'll totally love her on the inside, I know, but outward bitch is what I'm specifically looking for. And replace all of her little thongs with (my) granny panties. I'll be laughing in heaven right along with you.

Good-bye. Farewell. I'm off to the bigger soccer field in the sky!

Spring Has Arrived!!!

Spring, and all the lovely things it encompasses, is here!!

You'll also be delighted to know that she thought it would be really funny, and cute, to smear mud all over my front window.

And in answer to your thoughts - No. I haven't cleaned them yet. lol

What's For Supper?

So it's technically not a cheat day, but I've already weighed in for the week. Soooo, filet mignon it is!! The most fattening and tasty of all the cuts! Baked potato with fat free sour cream, corn with no toppings and spinach salad.

No worries. I followed this with a beer, potato skins with cheese, bacon and real sour cream and a cadbury creme egg. Tammy and I went out a chatted for a few hours. It was a very nice visit with my dearest friend! We finished it off with a drive in her new Honda Pilot! All in all a great night that ended with the usual"We have to do this more often!" lol Hopefully this time we will!

Have a great weekend!

Friday Foto Fiesta!

Don't forget to head back to Candid Carrie for so many more participants!!

And please remember to keep praying for Stellan!

Does anyone else see a little bit of Elvis in this guy?

I don't think it's just me.

Take a look:

Adam Lambert

Elvis Presley

Oops.  

Wrong one.

Sorry 'bout that! 

Here it is: 

Stellan

Pray for Stellan. He has been in intermittent (but mostly) SVT over the past 2-3 days. He has now gone into prolonged V-tach, which, my friends, is not good. It will kill him if they can't convert him back to sinus rhythm very soon.

He was diagnosed in utero with severe heart disease that he would in no way survive. Prayer happened. A miracle happened. They have been blessed with six wonderful months with Stellan. But that isn't long enough.

Pray hard.

I'll keep you posted.

... because Demi's ass isn't getting near the 'coverage' it deserves...

So, by now you've probably all seen the picture Ashton posted on Twitter of Demi's ass as she was steaming his suit.

I ask all (10) of my faithful readers to lift their hands up (but don't spill your coffee or drop your doughnut!!) and shout "Hell to the abso-friggin-lutely!" that your DH would be offered up to the wrath of his in-laws if he ever, and I mean E*V*E*R posted a picture of your bent over ass on the internet.

But ... 

What if your ass looked like this?

Instead of this...

I tell you I'd be giggling like a school girl too. When I'm forty something, I want to look like that! I'm only 36 now, so I've still got time! Only I want to skip the whole diet and weigh training crap and have a naturally fine ass.

What I really question here, though, is ..... 

What the hell is she doing steaming Ashton's suit? 

And why is it on the floor?

Step Two - Shut Up Already.

Read Part I here.

Read Part II here.

Okay. So. Clearly the majority don't care about, nor want, my amazing wisdom into keeping our individuality.

Yes, I know I made it far more complex just now than I did in my post, but I was trying to lure you in gently.

I had my week all planned out.

I was going to give you more advice.  More options.  More enjoyable, guilt-free ways to be YOU. Not Mom. Not The Better Half, or the Little Woman. That last one wouldn't work in my case anyway, but hey, congrats to those it fits.

I spent hours coming up with just the ideal things to talk to you about. It was about our power as women. Giving our husbands more time with the kids. About walking away from the laundry that you're drowning in.

Sigh.

We are women. Watch us click away from that which would empower us.

Yeah, yeah. Whatev.

So, now that my plans for you have had to change. All I've got for you is this:

What I've been reading .... 

Two Little Girls In Blue

Click link above for an exerpt from the book.

Starred Review. Bestseller Clark is at her best when writing of crime against children, as shown in this chilling tale of kidnapping, murder and telepathy. Before leaving for a black-tie affair in New York City, Margaret and Steve Frawley celebrate the third birthday of their twin girls, Kathy and Kelly, with a party at their new home in Ridgefield, Conn. Later that night, when Margaret can't reach the babysitter, she contacts the Ridgefield police. The frantic couple return home to find the children missing and a ransom note demanding $8 million. Though the Frawleys meet all the conditions, only Kelly turns up in a car along with a dead driver and a suicide note saying that Kathy has died. But Kelly's telepathic messages from her sister keep telling her differently, and Margaret won't give up hope. Even the most skeptical law enforcement officers and the FBI, who pursue suspects from New York to Cape Cod, begin to believe Kelly is on to something. Clues from ordinary people lead to a riveting conclusion. Rivaling Clark's debut—Where Are the Children?—this suspense thriller is certain to send terror into the heart of any parent. (Apr.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

My review: This was an enjoyable book.  The beginning was a little hoaky, but by the middle I wasn't putting it down. It wasn't alone time that had me hauling my arse to the coffee shop, it was 20 minutes of quiet time to read the book.  I recommend it for a good, easy read.

Happy Wednesday, everyone!

Step One - Cut The Cord

A continuation from yesterday's Mom-Guilt post.....

And I'm not talking about the kids, I'm talking about the husband.

He really is capable of caring for and enjoying his kids.  Without you.

I know it hurts a little bit.

I know you need to have your nose in everything.  

God forbid you miss a moment.

Or leave him to make decisions on his own.  

Decisions you would make differently.

And seriously. You know that they won't possibly have as much fun with him as they do when you're around, so get a grip.

As much as we hate to admit this, it's true.

So it's time to deal.

Go out with the ladies.

Drink lots of wine.

And last but not least - Cause dorks like me need ideas ...

BLOG ABOUT IT!

Mom Guilt - We Do It To Ourselves

Not a single person expects of us what we expect of ourselves.  

I think we would find that if we step back even for a moment, there would be others there who would help. They may not do things like we would want them, but they would get done.  

Our kids would still be happy. 

Some simple alone time would not come back to haunt us years from now. 

Shaking a kid off your pant leg to go to the bathroom in peace is not a criminal offense. 

Grocery shopping alone won't get you uninvited from their wedding.  

  A girl's night is not something that should make you feel like a failure as a mother.  

Or a wife.

Having something just for us makes us more content, even happy people.

Right?

I do this to myself too.  

I had the opportunity to enjoy a ladie's night at a friend's house on Saturday night. I know that the Twilight movie itself does nothing for me, but the fun and laughter may have worked wonders. 

Last minute I felt bad and went to join Leon and our girls and Devyn at a movie. 

I don't regret that so much as just wish I maybe could have done both. 

I have to remember that my whole family, including myself, will benefit from a relaxed, rejuvenated mom/wife. 

This, hopefully, will serve as a reminder to my friends and family who read this to make me choose me-time at the next opportunity.  Not to feel badly because my family is fending for themselves for the night. 

I do it to myself. I know it. 

And admitting it is half the battle, right?

**Sidenote:  I did decide at 7:00 that I just needed to be by myself so I took off for Tim Horton's (No, my American friends, that is not a Dr. Suess book, but a coffee shop! lol) with my book and sat and enjoyed a hot chocolate and some quiet reading for 20 minutes. And, surprise of surprises, I came home feeling just a wee bit more like a real, live person.

In Case You Were Curious...

This is what happens when you have nothing better to do so you google "gross", "ick", "disgusting" and "disturbing" photos.

Aren't you glad you stopped by today?

Remember when...

Who remembers being 15? 

I think the reason I am having so much fun watching Asia and Devyn is because I was 15 when I had my first real relationship with real butterflies and girly excitement! The giggles and crazy feelings and absolute dramatic madness that comes with it.  Within days I knew he was my first love.  Loving so completely, the way only a teenage girl can.

He was my first many things.  Many of the usual.  He was also my first roommate when I moved out of my parent's house.  He bought me my first car. (It was a $49 car lot sale. I'm not THAT good.  lol)

He was the reason I first ventured into not only a police department, but an interrogation room. And also the cause of the first and only time I got questioned in the back of a police car. 

He was the first one who looked at me like I hung the stars my very own self!! And yet could destroy me like no other.

He was my first fiance and my first absolute and total heart break.  

Asia has had other boyfriends before. Only one that we ever met, and he was a pretty sweet kid too.  But she was only 13.  At 15, you just know that it is different. They are (a little bit) more mature. Asia and Devyn both know that I think he's pretty awesome. It's the 15 year old thing that hits me right square in the heart, though.

Oh, and they are actually, officially dating now.  Can you say BARF??? (Nothing personal Devyn!! lol)  Remember when you either were the one asking that "Will you be mine..." question, or were on the receiving end of it? And sometime you knew it was coming and sometimes you didn't. I always had that initial nervous, anxious, I'm so going to puke moment!! 

Well done, Devyn.  Well done.

Oh, the things she's got in store for her. It makes me excited and nervous for her. Moms always just want their daughters to be happy. (Dads want them to find someone who will make them happy, and at the same time to keep them a virgin forever.  lol)

I know that other moms think I'm crazy for ever (literally) pushing her directly into his path for that one dance.  I know that there is, like, a 99% chance that this will end with one or both young hearts broken. 

But it is all that in between stuff that matters.  The fun and the fresh and the new and the exciting.  The firsts that you forget about since all the first steps have happened and the baby teeth have fallen out.  You forget how important these older firsts are.  I think they are what help form you into the person you grow into. 

I won't bother you with any more details about them. Unless something wild and crazy happens.  

But stay tuned anyway... And while you're at it, tell us about your first love.... Comment OR post style.  If you post it just leave me the URL so I can come and read it!

Happy Birthday Asia!!

15 years ago today, I was scared out of my mind.

I spent two months on and off on bed rest for intermittent high blood pressure.

I spent March 18 in the hospital all day getting gelled because they wanted this wee babe out.

Before I left the hospital that night, the nurse reached up through the old hoo-haw, I think, tried to remove my tonsils.  Holy mother of God, that hurt!

We got home at 9:00 p.m. and started to watch X-Files, when suddenly my water broke.

I flew out of the room. Grabbed some new clothes and returned to tell Leon we'd have to go back to the hospital. "I think my water broke, but don't tell anyone, just in case it turns out I actually peed my pants!!"

So off we went, where they let me lay there all night waiting for the next morning.

I was high on Demerol. They thought it would help me sleep.

Not a wink, unfortunately.  I was up phoning people at two and three in the mornig because I was bored.

That's what good friends do.  

They induced me almost exactly 15 years ago as I type this, and 13 1/2 hours later, Miss Asia was born.

Looking really freaky, I must add.

She was blue.

Her head was so pointy it could have been used as a weapon.

Her nose was squished into her face.

They laid her on my tummy and my first thought was "Oh, this is supposed to be a beautiful moment.  This is so not a beautiful moment." Followed by, "What is it?" And I don't mean gender.  I meant, really, WTF??? lol

Within an hour, though, she was the most beautiful, petite wee thing I had ever laid eyes on. 

Have a great day Asia!!!