Thursday's Homework Assignment

The Prompts:

1.) Who really helped you get over something? Write about that person.
(writingfix.com)

2.) Is plastic surgery an option? Without being vulgar, write about the body part still attached to you that you would most like to dis-attach and replace with a better one.
(writingfix.com)

3.) Share an interesting email exchange you've had with someone lately.

4.) Have you thought about shutting down your blog? Why haven't you and what would cause you to make that decision final?

5.) Today I will...

I'm tackling number two, just for kicks!!  But without being vulgar?  Wow. Spoil my fun.  

I think, probably because my second chin, round face, thin, terrible hair, big booty, huge legs, fat feet and ankles would take FAR too much work, I'll have to say my boobs would be first. 

We watched Dr. 90210 last night, in which, of course, he did some boob jobs. Holy-fricking-ouch!! Have you ever seen a boob-job in action?  They ram a rod up through your abdomen and beat the hell out of the ladies in order to stretch the skin.  It probably wouldn't be such an ordeal to recover from if they were kinder and gentler toward those precious treasures.  I wouldn't get any enhancements of that kind, I'm thinking more along the lines of a skin tuck.  I'm one of those lucky ones with a wide back and no boobs to speak of, so no bra ever fit and I resorted to sports bras.  If only someone told me the damage I was doing, besides the eye sore of the uniboob, I mean. Oh, too much info? Sorry.  

There was also a chicky-poo on the show that wanted to get fat injected into her ass. You just can't help but wonder if they ordered a psych evaluation on her first. You have to be a special kind of stupid to WANT a lard ass.  I won't even tell you about how she had to eat like a pig in order to gain 10 pounds of fat so they would have somewhere to get said fat for her ass.  And let me tell you, it was one honkin' big Brazilian Booty when they were done! Not. Nice. At. All.  But she and her weirdo hubby were happy.

Go check out the other crazies who sign in over at Mama Kat's for their homeword assignment. It should prove to be very entertaining this week!

Wordful Wednesday!

Today's Wordful Wednesday is my mom's Godson, Daniel. 

Daniel was diagnosed with leukemia on Christmas Day, 2008. He is 14 years old. He was perfectly healthy until Christmas week, when they thought he had the flu. He could barely get out of bed Christmas morning, and instead of being excited over Christmas and opening gifts that morning, he lay quietly on the couch and shortly thereafter went back to bed. He was taken to the hospital Christmas Day, and after some initial blood work was air-lifted to the Stollery Children's Hospital here in Edmonton for his official diagnosis of acute lymphoblastic leukemia.

He has since spent much time here in the Stollery. He and his mom have stayed with my parents when they come for treatments, or sometimes they stay at the Ronald McDonald House. He is currently undergoing a very intense chemo regimen, the one that will start the loss of his hair. There is a lot of support in the way of expenses and accommodations but his parents are going through a nasty divorce and his home life was already tension-filled before this diagnosis.

There is a wonderful group dedicated to connecting people in need of a spirit boost and those willing to send to that person.  It could be as simple as a home made card. A teddy bear. A baseball cap for that soon to be bald head. A book. A souvenier from your city perhaps.

Spirit Jump has graciously sent out requests for a spirit jump for Daniel. I'm hoping that living in Canada won't deter people too much. It really doesn't cost any more to send here. 

Please contact Spirit Jump if you want to be notified about people in need.  And grab their button from their side bar.   

If any of my regular visitors / friends would like to participate, I can pass along his address.  

Your prayers would be much appreciated too!! Please keep Daniel and his family in your heart.

Tuesday's Tribute

I'm following along with Angie for Tuesday's Tribute.  It's just short and sweet today.

Stellan.  He's a fighter.

MckMama. She's amazing.

The MckFamily. Together again.

The Doctors. Incredible.

God. Thank you.

Picture This....

Okay, I admit that I tricked you to get you over here.

The only picture I have for you today is the one I am going to put in your head, using Leon's description and your imagination.

Are you ready? (Just say no and back away slowly... This one's a doozy!)

Leon walked into the men's (sometimes I question...) change room at the gym, and to his horror found a guy doing something that should never, ever, NEVEREVER, be done.

Never.

He was naked as a jaybird. 

He had one foot propped up onto the counter, facing the mirror.

And he was blowdrying his junk. And his trunk.

Let me ask you something. Is it ever, no matter how hairy you are in your nether region, okay to blow dry yourself? In a public place no less?

All at once now....

NNNOOOOOOOOO!!!

Do you have that picture in your head now?

Me too.

Your welcome.

Farmer Liv

Leon and I went to look at some camping trailers on Saturday morning just before Mom and I headed out of town for our spa weekend.  Liv was in her glory!!

Now does that look like EVERY girl's dream to you??

Go see Angie at 7 Clown Circus for more!

Tuesday's Tribute

Welcome!  I've decided to play along with Tuesday's Tribute this week.

Because otherwise .... I've just got nuthin!

Here we go with my list of those I pay tribute to this fine day:

1. People at the gym who are considerate enough to get off their machine to chat with their friends.  I haven't actually met, or seen, any of these people, but they're probably out there, and I think they are fantastic!! The ones who take up the machine for 20 minutes so they can visit can go suck eggs!!! Complete with the fattening, cholesterol-filled yoke.
2. Our radio station here is hosting a considerate driving week. I think that is fabulous!  People cutting each other off in traffic, and flipping the bird are just EVERYWHERE these days! Just imagine, for a whole week, my bad-ass attitude won't be quite so common if everyone else is being nice!
3. My Mom, who took me out for a wonderful, relaxing weekend. The kids have yet to reverse the effects of the weekend.  Payroll today didn't even do it!  I think people around me need to pay attention to how much nicer I was for a whole day and a half and send me out for these spa treats regularly.
4. All the people who don't mind looking really stupid when they see my 190 pound dog in the front seat of my minivan, and actually start to point and talk to him from two car lanes away. With the windows up.  I love these people. Is it totally wrong of me to secretly wish one of them walk into a pole because they're too busy staring at my gorgeous dog to watch where they're going? And just for my own sick entertainment?  I thought so.  Teehee.
5. On a more serious note.  Stellan.  I am hoping everyone will be sending the doctors and the family positive vibes. He gets his ablation at 8:30 a.m., Boston time. Pray hard.

For more, go see Angie at 7 Clown Circus, linked above.

Girl's Night Out! The Details!

We were off to Red Deer Saturday morning.

Our room with incredible queen beds and the most amazing pillows!!!

The view from our room.

My momma at our patio door.

My new shiny toes! I also had a massage. In all it was a three hour spa treatment that we all totally know I deserved!! lol

Matching Fred Flintstone feet!

Chilaxin, waiting for the new feet to be ready for the night on the town.

I'm going hot tubbing.  If you look really close you can see my big, fat knees!

Mom's buffet breakfast this morning.

My brunch plate.

The first time through.

Just A Quick Note....

... To let you know what's up this weekend!!

I'm going on a GNO!!

(Just like this.  Except we're both white chicks.)

Mom called and asked if she could treat me to a night away.

We're not going far.  It's about an hour and a half away.  But I'm looking forward to it!

I did have to break it to her than I'm not nearly as amazing one on one as I am in a crowd - or on my blog.  lol  In fact, I'm downright boring!  It's a total vegging out weekend, though, 
so she'll probably be at the casino and I'll be in the hot tub.  Yeah. Probably won't look like this though!! lol  (It's okay to laugh, Leon. I'm okay kidding!)

Did I mention that my mom totally ruined my reputation with the hotel manager though?  Yup. I'll have to hang my head and pretend that I'm suffering from a breakdown of some sort.
He has personally promised us a wonderful, relaxing, clean hotel room weekend. 

AND the kicker is that I am going for a hot stone massage and paraffin wax pedicure
tomorrow afternoon.  I'm pretty sure I'll be toast for the rest of the night. But that's okay.

That's what it's for, after all!

Thursday's Homework Assignment

The Prompts:

1.) If I sent you four hundred dollars today what is ONE thing you would spend it on and why. ps I want my change.
2.) What are your kids talking about?
3.) Tell us about a local news story that's all the buzz right now in your neck of the woods.
4.) Share some blogging advice.
5.) Tell us about that time at the playground when that thing happened.
(thanks to Heather at Chasing Butterfly's who unknowingly inspired this last prompt)

I'm writing about Number 4. It is something near and dear to my heart! Blogging!

Others have mentioned this, and I am now going to do the same. Only I'm also going to enlighten you with my own personal downfall with this feature.

It's the email option. If you leave me a comment, I WANT to be able to respond to you directly from my email notification. That gives me the chance to get you laughing twice in one day. Uh-huh. You know it! The only other option is for me to leave a random comment on YOUR blog, or to respond to you in my own comment section, in hopes that you will come back again. And again. And again. Just in case I've responded to you.

And how fair (or likely, let's be honest) is that?

So, I don't know, somehow you go into your settings and check a box, or maybe uncheck a box, or something, and that will let me respond to you via email. Usually I hit respond and type up my very clever words and then look up to notice the @nocomment thingy. That sucks.

The downfall with this feature, but not downfall enough to make me stop, is that I find it incredibly convenient.

What? You don't think that's a downfall?

Well, it is.

Because now, instead of making time to get to your blog in return, I'm just responding via email, and using that time that I once had for blogging and filling my face in front of the TV instead.

And that part truly sucks because I really miss your blog.

But check off that email box thingy in your settings anyway, would you please??

I'm sure there are LOTS of blogs to get to today. Go see Mama Kat for the participants!

Bitch Slap.

It started out so nicely.  We woke up Easter morning to one excited Little Olivia, who found a trail of chocolate leading out of her room.  (One of these days I'm going to get my hands around the neck of that delightful Easter Bunny who does this!)

So we all haul ourselves out of bed to start the hunt.

Eggs over mirrors.

Girls who decide to just get their picture over with already. They know fighting it is a lost cause anyway.

Singing Easter songs.  The made up variety of course.

Then it happened.  

Cassie dropped her bucket and spilled her chocolate.  It was all good until she said "Liv, don't take any of my eggs, please."

One would think that that is a perfectly reasonable thing to say.

And it is.

However, Miss Olivia, who thinks that this is a Holiday created for her and her alone, suddenly found an idea planted in her little brain by her unsuspecting sister.

Immediately she reached over and grabbed a couple of eggs.

So Cassie, as you can see by the hand motion, reached over and bitch slapped her when she refused to give her her chocolate back.

And like I told you in my post yesterday, they will only stick up for Olivia when it is against each other. Or me. Asia is the main culprit.  She is allowed to be as nasty as she wants to Olivia, but if we at any time need to parent her, or if she gets in a fight with Cassie, immediately she comes to her rescue.

And me? I just took the pictures.

Go see Angie  for more Wordful Wednesdays!

My Kids Are Driving Me Insane!

I'm thinking it could be spring fever. They want to get their asses kicked outside, but they just don't know it yet. It's in their subconscious, just waiting to come out.

Either that, or they get their asses kicked against their will. They are smart enough to at least pretend to want it.

Even my amazing, wonderful, cute five year old is not herself. 

For example. This morning she woke up before anyone else (except "poor" Leon, who had to work) and I asked her very nicely to go back to bed, or play quietly in her room until everyone else was awake.

Do you know what my sweet little Olivia said to me?

"No."

Some might not sweat that. But this is Olivia. The almost perfect wee child.

I said again, "Olivia, go to your room and play quietly until we are all up."

"No!"

She proceeds to go and bother Cassie. I came out and found her on the couch, with a clearly challenging look on her little face.

My first thought was, "Oh, God. Please don't let her start testing her boundaries, and begin to falsely believe that she is an independent person who is allowed her own thoughts. Please?" 

I need to keep Olivia sweet. And cute. And nice. And quiet.

"Lord, I have teenage daughters to survive. Remember?"

She still refused to listen. And so the morning began with me hauling one little five year old off to the bathroom to pry the liquid soap handle in between those tightly squeezed little lips.

And then she got her butt smacked. 

And was sent to her room.

And then the very sisters who yesterday called her a brat and a bitch and told her they couldn't stand her came out of their own rooms to be her knights. 

Her champions.

Her pains in my ass.

I ask you, is it okay that her sisters can discipline her and be mean to her all. the. time. and yet I can't parent my own child?

I think not!

And, because I know you're wondering, Olivia did not get any better. It was a continuation of Sunday's Olivia. THAT picture will be airing on Wednesday for Wordful Wednesday.

The caption will read:

Easter Egg Hunt Bitch Slap Session.

What fun!

Just One More....

Okay, just one more "easy out" and then I'll get back to writing!! I promise!

I love this, because guys just laugh and laugh.  They think they're the only ones who can relate to this guy and his dummy! We know all about dummies, though, ladies. Don't we?  lol

Happy Easter My Friends!

LOVE this!!

A group of people decided that their train/subway station could use a pick me up.  I guarantee you'll be smiling by mid-way.  I love watching some of the reactions of the people watching!

An Innocent Crush Is Healthy In Every Relationship Now And Again .... Isn't It?

My girlfriend is crushing on Robert Pattinson in a bad way.  And I mean, this guy is EVERYWHERE!!!  Weird. Her husband is okay with it.  Even weirder.  Right?

Well, holy Mother! I've decided to add another man to my life.  I'll still keep Leon. He's pretty good to have around. He makes me laugh. He accepts responsibility for these young freaks of nature that live here. That's a bonus, right?

But my guy, Adam, has one very fine ass-et that he can add to our relationship:

M*O*N*E*Y!! He is going to be so stinking rich!!!

Oh, and the fact that I am mush when he sings.

And finally, the fact that he is simple eye candy that one can enjoy without having to do much else. 

He's pretty flaming I think, so I wouldn't even have to put out.

Leon might, though. 

hahaha

The one that took me over the top:  Mad World

After you finish leaving a comment telling Leon it's all good, and not to worry about our marriage or be mad at me in any way, nor cause me any grief over this post, stop back over to see Candid Carrie for the next name on the list!!

The Time He Lied .... I'm Just Picking A Random One, There Were So Many!

I don't even know where to start. 

I suppose 1990 would be a good place.  My ex-fiance and I had moved in with my parents for a short time. One morning he disappeared for a few minutes. Later that day my brother discovered his set of mags missing from the backyard.

Most people put two and two together and got Cory.

But not me.  I was insulted and angered that they would blame Cory for this.  

After a short denial, Cory told us that his friend had taken them. I even went so far as so go over to that friend's house and ask him myself. 

I wanted to position myself so I could see this friend's face when I asked him.  I wasn't sure if I would see guilt, or surprise.  Maybe anger that Cory told on him. Perhaps he would even find it all amusing. The mags were insured, after, all.  It was a win-win, right?

What I didn't consider was Cory behind me, making the appropriate faces that would convince this guy he needed his help!

Cory's friend admitted to it. He took the blame. That's how good Cory was.  How convincing. He could get someone to admit to theft for him. That's right. Cory really did do it. I was the only one who didn't know it yet, though.

Suddenly I don't feel so stupid.

The next day Cory and his friend, who were both doing the schooling portion of their apprenticeships, met at school. Cory went up to this friend and said "Rhonda's Dad is pissed that you could look him in the eye after you stole his son's property!"  To which his friend replied "I didn't take that stuff Cory.  You did!"  Cory laughed and said "Oh, yeah!"  

He even believed his own lies.  I told you he was good.  lol

His friend immediately called me and told me the conversation they just had.  He said he wasn't sure how much I knew.  He really did have the tires, but Cory gave them to him as part payment toward the purchase of his motorbike. 

I told my parents what happened. We called the police and I sadly admitted that Cory had indeed stolen from my family. I told the policeman that I would bring Cory to the station when he got home from school.

And when he did get home, he had no idea where we were going.  Just that we were going for a drive.  Ten minutes later I pulled into the police station parking lot and we went inside where he had a meeting with the cop from earlier that day.

I remember the interrogation room.  I remember sitting there, just defeated. Feeling really stupid. Gullible. 

The policeman got him to confess. He told him that my family did not want to press charges. (In fact, I'm not entirely certain that he was even told to move out yet at this point...)  He also told him to turn and look at me. He said, "Look at her! Look at what this is doing to her! You should be ashamed of yourself."

It wasn't long after that that I grew a spine, hardened my heart and kicked him to the curb for good. 

Now, on that happy note, go check out Mama's Losin It for more homework assignments!

Wordful Wednesday!

Just a few shots from our soccer tournament!!  

Happy Anniversary To Us!

So, today marked 13 years for Leon and I.  I don't think that gives me near the credit I deserve, though. I've been putting up with that schmuck for 17 long years. Very. Very. Very. Long. Years.

Lucky for him he's cute.

And kills spiders.

And opens jars.

And brings home a paycheck.

For everything else, there are appliances and rechargeable batteries, right ladies?  

Oh. My. God.  I just slay me sometimes.  lol

As you know, we just had a weekend away for my soccer tournament, so really didn't need to be out on our own tonight. So we had BBQ steak at home and then headed off to a movie with the girls plus Devyn. 

Now I'm snuggled into my new Snugglie (??).  And I'll be sticking my face into my beautiful roses before bed. 

Happy Anniversary Leon!!!

What Happens In Calgary, Stays In Calgary. Unless Of Course, Someone Posts Pictures On Facebook. Grrrr....

So, the tournament is done and we survived!  We came in 4th. I'm feeling pretty bummed at myself for screwing up royally in our last game. It was not pretty.  I just had nothing left. Four games in three days with a lot of drinking and not much sleep made Sunday incredibly painful.  I did have a couple good games, one rocking game, and one lousy one. My screw ups lost us the game, but I'm trying not to dwell.  It's hard though, to end the weekend with a bad game low. 

From the time I left with three of my team mates on Friday afternoon to the time I got home, I laughed. And laughed. And laughed.  My abs hurt so bad that I can't sneeze.  I can't cough. I can't move.  My legs hurt. My sides hurt. I think I blew a kidney. My liver. Oh, my poor liver. My foot is about to explode.  Damn. What a fabulous weekend!

I put on four pounds this weekend from chinese food, chips, buffets and alcohol. It was awesome!

I'm down $300 I didn't have before I left. Totally worth it.

My good girl reputation (don't laugh) is shot to hell. And it's about frigging time!

And.... We're off!

I'm gone to Calgary for a soccer tournament this weekend!!! 

Have a good weekend everyone!

Wow. That is amazingly similar to a "tweet".

Oops.

Thursday's Homework Assignment

Well good day everyone.  Today is Thursday, and you know what that means. That crazy teacher of ours gives us our homework assignments. And as usual, we don't disappoint.  Well, I sometimes do.  But not you guys.  Nope. Not ever.

The Prompts:

1.) Why did you do it?

2.) What is a common misconception about you?

3.) Describe a moment when you felt afraid.

4.) In what ways are you turning into your mother?

5.) Are you always right?

1. Why did I do it?  It was grade one and she said that if I didn't show her my answers on my paper, then she wouldn't be my friend anymore.  I got in trouble.  Bitch.
2. A misconception about moi? Just one?  Usually that I'm a bitch. I know! Can you think of anything more unfitting?  lol I'm just shy, believe it or not. Especially in a big crowd. I get very intimidated and prefer to people watch.
3. Grade 10. A party. I was mauled by one guy. Then attacked by the guy who saved me from the mauler. It was terrible.
4. My mother? Have you met my mother? If you've met me, you've technically met my mother.  We are both amazing, beautiful (tee hee), generous people, but our patience runs VERY thin and we're not really fond of kids. Other than mine and hers. lol Other than that we're totally different.  For example, she's post menopausal and a little bit crazy. I'm menopausal and incredibly bitchy.  (Well, look at that. I've used the B word three times out of four answers.  lol)
5. Right? Always? Oh. My. God.  You have NO idea.  For example, I KNOW that there were only four volumes listed as options when I went to check out a chart on Monday. FOUR. The file room person all of a sudden says there were SIX options.  I'm no fool, people. Not at all.  So I argued once, and then just went "okey dokey, then".  Bitch.  lol  (I'm just kidding Tara, I totally think you rock. And that you're wrong.) And in case you missed it, I just said the *B* word again.  giggle giggle...

Go check out The Professor for more homework assignments.