Say What??

Okay, so I'm just going to come out and say it.

My family is crazy.

And I'm the sane one. So what does that tell you?

Seriously. I said that to Leon last night and he looked at me. Deadpan.

And I thought, WTF??

For the first 8 years I was monotone, even-tempered and b*o*r*i*n*g.

In other words, I was a doormat.

And that gets tiring.

And it hurts. Because no one ever notices your sacrifices.

So eventually I said fuck it.

Because I wanted a life too.

So now, I'm busy from working a full time job +.

I'm back to parenting three kids through tension so thick a machete can't cut through it.

And I've learned that to get anything done, I have to nag just a little bit.

Boiling over inside because no one was lifting a finger wasn't helping anyone.

Anger issues? Um. Yeah. It's called being busy, tired and stressed out.

And if someone takes me out in soccer I want to retaliate by destroying their knee caps. You have a problem with that?

And just FYI, having moods that consist of anger, sadness, joy and blah is not a mental illness.

At least that's what all the little voices in my head are telling me.

My Best Answer To Any Question Will Always Come In Blog Form

I was asked a little while ago how I put up with Leon's imperfections.

Yes, plural.

Now, please understand (Leon) that this wasn't a question specifically directed at me because Leon is such a pest. Even though he is. Rather, it was a general relationship question. And for some reason, this person thought that I might actually have a most perfect and inspiring answer.

My answer was "bite my tongue and tip-toe". I know. I'm chalk full of wisdom.

However, having had some time now to digest the question and properly regurgitate a most fabulous answer, I feel the need to share it with everyone. (Complete with music if you want to scroll down and play it while you read.)

So here it is to all seven of you who read my poor, neglected blog.

I put up with Leon's imperfections because he is my husband. My confidante. My friend. The father of my children.

And you know what? He also puts up with my many imperfections. I leave my shoes wherever they happen to leave my feet. (And it takes three sweeps of the house for me to find them.) I insist on leaving my hair products on the bathroom counter. (And he insists on putting them away.) God knows I have put on weight since we met. (And bless him for pretending to look the other way when we both know he isn't.) I prefer to read at night. (And we'll just leave it at that.) I've decided since going to work full time that McDonald's provides a fully balanced meal consisting of meat, potatoes, bread and pickles. (And so he cooks me REAL food without complaining. Much.)

I find that we have both hardened in some ways that I wish we hadn't. And we both put up with habits and traits that may just drive each other crazy.

Because you know what? We're just human. I have a few people in the world that I love to judge, but for the most part I won't notice if you put on weight or get a bad haircut. I won't mind if you swear like a sailor or are the prude of all prudes. If I love the person that you are, then I will love you no matter what.

Even if you're a shit.

Which Leon is. On the best of days.

We did have a very rough patch not long ago. And I mean rough.

We worked through it.

We showed we were human.

We faced how delicate a marriage really can be.

And I honestly feel that we are better for it.

I'm still here after 18 years, three kids, several dogs and even more houses, bills and even more bills, whiny bouts of tears and countless rounds of hysterical laughter, because I want to be.

Flaws and all.

I May Look Calm, But In My Head I've Killed You Three Times

I have to say, some of these little "likes" on facebook are an absolute freaking riot!! Check it out:

• He came to me one night. Explored my body, licked, sucked, swallowed! When satisfied, he left & I was hurt!!... Fu*king mosquito! (This one is extra special, because we have been taken over by the horrible things. Finally warm and now we can't even go outside.)
• I may look calm, but in my head, I've killed you three times. (Oh. My. God. I have so been here.)
• Sometimes your knight in shining armor is just a retard in tin foil (Yup. I got this one covered too. Those of you invited to my private blog know bits and pieces of this story. That blog was deserted promptly once I forgot where the hell it was and how to get into it. Sigh...)
• No matter how hot a woman is, somewhere in the world there is a man fed up with her bullshit!!! (And for every man fed up, you can't bet she has pissed off approximately 17 of her BFF's just for being beautiful!)
• so you love me..dose your girlfriend know (I love the spelling in this one. It has "forever mistress" written all over it, doesn't it?)
• Roses are red Violets are blue I've got five fingers The middle one's for you (Love it. Sheer brilliance.)

So, now you know the tamer side of what your kids are looking at on facebook. You'd better start paying for your own nursing home now my friends. This is not an intelligent group.

The Things I Know For Sure

James Patterson is my favorite summer read. I've read about a million of his books this summer and they are great for the park, driving (at red lights or as a passenger.... tee hee) at the beach or in bed after a long day. The chapters are nice and short so you can plow through a book in no time at all. It makes you look incredibly smart to have your nose in a different book every second day.

Old family friends are having baby number nine. They say it's a boy. I say it's the lemur, Zaboomafoo. (I swear it IS his little smiling face looking out!) We'll have to wait a few more months to find our for sure. U/S techs have been known to make errors every now and then. Or hey, we could both be right and it's a boy lemur.

Photo jacked from friend's facebook page without permission. :-)

I'm still waiting for my cortisone injection and continue to load up on drugs before and after soccer games. The rest of my activities have dropped off and my boredom eating has increased, so almost all that weight I lost in the winter is now back. Yay me.

Leon and the girls minus one are camping. I'm working all week and trying to squeeze in some visits with girlfriends and overtime to pay for my car.

Minus one is still not home. We're quickly approaching the three month mark and there is still no sign of hell freezing over. However winter is quickly going to be upon us, which will be perfect timing for school, soccer and cheer fees coming due. Seeing as Edmonton = Hell and winter = freezing, thus Hell will be freezing over before we know it. (If you read into that my total dislike of this place I live and am stuck in, you would be correct.)

I spent much of today in a bit of a funk. People who read my blog may think that happens often, but it actually doesn't. My blog is just where I put it all so I can lighten my load. I found out that "minus one" is so completely against coming home even for a night that she broke a window to get in to 'her house' because her one of her other options would have been to come home. Something as simple as "Hey, I'm locked out of my house, can I crash at your house tonight?" didn't even enter the equation. Oh, and that would have been her wording, not mine, by the way. Nice, huh? I don't know what it was we did, or maybe that we didn't do, to cause her to hate us so much, but she can barely be in the room with me. I know that she's a teenager and she's supposed to be stupid and selfish, but can we not catch a break at some point? At least tell us what we're doing wrong so we don't drive the other two away.

Speaking of the others, I let Liv sleep with me last night because her dad was working a night shift and they were heading off camping. (Where I know she will totally miss me no matter how adamantly she denies it.) I woke up at 4:00 in the morning with her completely on top of me. Not just partially. Nope. Completely! I was on my tummy and she was laying on my back on her tummy, completely over top of me. Weird.

Cassie is addicted to a new teen trilogy. She has been reading non-stop since Thursday. We're talking until 3:00 a.m. You know what that means, right? Yup. Another cranky teenager. Sigh... Oh, and it's the Dark Powers trilogy if anyone is interested. (The Summoning, The Awakening and The Reckoning)

So, overtime for me tomorrow, two dates crammed into Wednesday evening and then more overtime on Thursday. Good times. When the hubby and children are away, the wife will work her freaking tail off. Oh well. At least I'm not cleaning the house. Even I have my limits.

Who Says Size Matters?

Meet Ringo, our 190 pound English Mastiff.

Ringo, meet DumbLittleSquirrel.

I know, Ringo. It's a Provincial Park. You can't touch him. And he knows it.

Better luck next time, my boy.

Hidden Treasure!

We were at Long Lake this weekend, which is one of Alberta's Provincial Parks. We went for a nature walk and on our way back I ventured off the path and into the bush. (Which is apparently a no-no, so don't tell....) Suddenly Cassie looks down and sees:

To which we say, "WTF?".

Cassie and Leon start pulling this container out of its hidey hole and open it up. (Picture re-enacted by Liv, who was not with us initially.)




Inside this container was a notebook and pen so that you could write a little something and date it. It went back to early summer 2008 and was written on by many.

There were little items in there. On the instructions, which was an actual website idea, you were to look at it and enjoy the find. If you wanted to take something out you were welcome to, but you had to put something in in its place. You notice Liv holding a silly little ball thingy. That was her donation and she took out a Little Pet Shop toy. There was everything from camp straps to tape to ear plugs to toys. There was even a love note to a long lost love, vowing to find each other again. It was so sweet!

This was easily one of my top 5 Long Lake moments in all the years we've been going there.

I'll finish with a photo of the young lady who first found the "Happy Place" container, and the girls and Ringo with it. I plan to print the group shot and put it in a ziplock baggie and put into the container.





Next to this, of course, would be the fact that I have caught more fish than Leon. I will enjoy this for now, because naturally it is just beginner's luck.

Maybe.

My Name Is Rhonda. I Was A Blogger, But It Has Been Two Weeks Since My Last Post.

I feel like I should be reintroducing myself.

Hello self.

I say self because I'm pretty sure everyone else has given up on me by now.

I thought I would post a quick update. Life is getting out of hand and I just can't keep up. I'm PMSing. My body hurts from soccer and bug bites. I haven't had a good night's sleep in weeks. I've gained 10 pounds. And I'm a little cranky.

Asia is still doing her thing. She has been gone six weeks today, but who's counting? She is coming over for supper tonight and to be honest, I'm a little nervous. How totally stupid is that? What do I do if she doesn't want to come home? What do I do if she does? Shit. Hahaha.

I got a new-to-me car. It's a Dodge Magnum. Black with tinted windows. I'm calling myself Mafia Mama. I think it fits, seeing as I'll be turning to drugs soon if life doesn't shape up, and since I'm PMSing, I may just off someone pretty damned soon.

We went to the lake for the first camping weekend last weekend. It was actually nice. But shhhh.... Don't tell Leon. It'll go to his head. I went fishing for the first time and entertained my family with how "excited" I got (truly it was just totally scared shitless, but it's my blog and I'll lie if I want). My very first catch was a jack that poked his face out of the water and opened up his big-ass ugly mouth so wide I thought he was going to swallow me whole. I screamed. Really loudly. Then he spit out the hook and swam away. I think he was laughing at me, but I can't be sure. I got totally sunburned and was really close to saying screw the rules and going braless at work on Monday. But I chickened out. It would have been really embarrassing if the ladies peaked out the bottom of my shirt to say hello, dontcha know.

I changed the layout of my blog and now have lost my daily reads. You know, the one that updates as my peeps post? Gone. I'm totally bummed, because if nothing else, I would now and then come on here just to keep up with others. And now I don't know how to get it back and I don't remember blog websites. So, what the heck do I do now?

Liv and Cassie have their last day of school today. Next week they will be heading off with their Dad to the lake for 10 days and I will join them on weekends. My weekdays will be booked with dates to see old friends that mom guilt won't let me see except for when my family is gone. The rest of the time I will work my full time job and my casual job for extra cash since we moms all know that when our families are gone, all we do is clean house anyway, right?

So, that's about it, I think. I don't know when I'll be back. I'm worried that if my blog is ignored for too long, then it'll be wiped out. Does that happen? Not sure, but I don't want to risk it.

Is It Getting Hot In Here, Or Is It Just Me - And 800 Other Women...

For your viewing pleasure, Leon's 2011 Fireman Calendar Tryouts that went on last weekend. He got first place competing against 22 other firemen. I highly recommend you watch it with your sound up. The music is essential to the show - as is my mother's laughter!! lol

Laughter Is Always The Best Medicine.

1.) I sometimes laugh when I’m uncomfortable…or being yelled…or in church…or at a funeral. Write about a time when you laughed at an inappropriate time.

I'm a little late in my writer's workshop post. Life, and Facebook's Family Feud has gotten in the way of my blogging. But better late than never, though, and can you believe that I'm going to write about something other than Asia?

I definitely laugh at inappropriate times. Two in particular come to mind.

First was during Christmas Eve service at Leon's family's catholic church. Let me just say that I don't do silent, serious moments well. And even worse for me are catholic church moments. Even in my lowest moments, I will come up with something off the wall to lighten the mood. Now if something funny happens in one of these situations, I'm just screwed. I will laugh without ceasing for embarrassing lengths of time.

Church service was just starting and they were doing their processional down the middle of the church, the alter boys following behind the priest. They got to the dais, or alter, whatever, and one of the alter boys tripped on his little white dress thingy as he was going up the stairs. He stumbled up a couple of the steps and caught himself. I thought it was hilarious.

And then he tripped again.

And I basically just freaking LOST it. I laughed the entire hour. Leon's mom elbowed him and told him to tell me to get it together. Ha. Fat chance. It was by far my favorite Christmas Eve church moment.

The other time was actually when we were meeting with the minister for our wedding. Harold was my family's church's minister and thankfully he was very down to earth and pretty cool. Again, a serious, quiet discussion in his tiny little office.

For no reason at all, I started to laugh. I know it was nerves. But that didn't help to stop. I had tears streaming down my cheeks. My face was contorted into that awful look a person gets when they are trying their darnedest to stop laughing.

It was ugly.

And embarrassing.

Everyone was worried I wouldn't be able to get through the wedding without imploding. I did, however, thanks to the various moments during the ceremony when we could all laugh off the tension. Like the big "Yeehaw" when I came down the isle, jamming the ring on Leon's finger with full sound effects and wee Asia clapping her hands and saying "yay!" after we were pronounced husband and wife.

Knowing me, there have been plenty of other "moments". I do laugh a lot. Usually uncontrollably. Usually late at night. And usually at my husband's expense. Tee hee.

Okay, Now I'm Just Angry

I think I'm going about this in totally the wrong order, but whatever. I never have done things quite right. And I'm sure the subject of my ire will confirm that whole heartedly.

I'm angry.

I'm angry that she thinks she is such a victim.

I'm angry that she seems to hate us for no reason. (Unless you can consider opportunity, encouragement, love and a nice trip to Florida no reason.)

I'm angry that she is putting us through this.

I'm angry that she is just a selfish little brat who doesn't have a clue.

I'm angry that she thinks we owe her.

I'm angry that she can thrive in another woman's home while being nothing but hateful in mine.

I'm angry that we're having to put on smiles and pretend that everything is okay while our hearts are breaking.

I'm angry that she is still running my house when she no longer even lives in it.

I'm angry that she was so mean to her Dad when he was just going to the school to pay for HER bus pass.

I'm angry that she wants to use us and make demands and she thinks that this is okay.

I'm angry that she has told her Gramma and Godmother to leave her the hell alone.

I'm angry that she has so little respect for herself and her family.

I'm angry that she doesn't see that having friends who are okay with the way she is acting means that she needs to pick her friends better.

I'm angry because while she is happy as can be and apparently doing well, I can't see that for myself.

I'm angry that she has taught her sisters that running away is okay. Because it is so clearly not.

I'm angry that she phones just so she can pick fights and make demands and that she succeeds in making me feel lousy.

I'm angry that this is taking all my energy and the result is that I'm probably not the mother I should be to my other kids.

I'm angry.

I'm just plain old fucking angry.