Who Invited These Cockroaches?

One day, long, long ago, there were two young couples invited to a co-worker's home for supper.

When the couples were almost there, the guys warned the girls that they have a cockroach problem in this complex, but it should be okay.

These couples arrived to find a happy young family, awaiting their guests and cooking up some steak and baked potatos.

These young girls very gently sat on the low, sunken couch, and went to the bathroom in pairs, carefully watching for these creepy crawlers.

There were cockroaches crawling up the walls.



There were dead cockroaches in the corners.

There were a bunch of dead ones around the back of the toilet and in the bathtub.

Then they were called into the kitchen for supper.

The hosts were at the counter stacking steaks on serving plates and pulling foil off of potatos.

The young girls weren't sure if their hosts were oblivious to these creatures, embarrassed by them maybe? Was the wife horrified that her husband would invite company over when they had a bug problem?

But the girls were disgusted to find one walking across the counter right by where they were preparing the food. Another walking up the wall.

And they sat at the table and picked at their meals. (The girls anyway, the guys dug right in!!!)

Soon after, those young couples got the heck out of there! They did well, those girls. Don't you think?

Oh, and they stopped at McDonald's on their way home!

**I'll have you know that there was severe nausea, back scratching, twitching and foot lifting during the search and upload of the above picture!!! Barf!!  But I knew you'd appreciate it.  You're welcome.**

Picture This...

As I mentioned last time, we took the kids to the Kenny Chesney / Taylor Swift concert.



The show started with some great young Canadian artists, JD Bigsby and ummm ... someone else. Jake Owens I think.



First let me set the stage for you.



It was a huge performance in our football stadium. Someone said there were about 30,000 people there. I lost count at 18, so I can't say that for sure.



We had seats that were way, way, way up high. The sound wasn't very good up there. Eventually we moved down into the bowl more, where the sound kicked butt, but for now, we just nodded our heads and pretended to listen.



Taylor Swift was one that my girls had really wanted to see. She is beautiful and talented. But weird. More than a little. She was very confident and charming. It was really cute when she controlled the audience volume with her hands raised and lowered. Her shiny little dresses gave the up-close audience more of a show than they were bargaining for.



And her dancing. Oh. My. Stars. It was the funniest darned thing I have seen in a while. Dancing is what my daughter called it (more specifically, said that "this" is the reason she doesn't dance in her music videos!). I call it more a love affair with her hair.



She would stand there, during a ballad even, and just start throwing her head side to side. I think she liked how soft it felt hitting her in the eye.

She would throw it back and forth. I think she liked how nice it felt when it carressed her bottom.

She would hit a pose like this






only instead of having her hand down, it would be up and tangled in her hair, all sexy like. (Not that this pose wasn't incredibly sexy when Johnny did it .... cough cough, choke, giggle.)

Then, to REALLY get me rolling in my seat, she not only had a love affair with her hair, she had one with her piano. Funniest. Thing. Ever.

She was singing something along the lines of "Round and Round" or something like that, so she kept swinging around and around at the waist with her butt planted. Then she would lean baaaaaack as far as she could, then slam back up again. I was quite certain she was going to knock herself out! Then while there was an instrumental segment, she lay her head on the piano with her arms stretched out. And then just stayed there. Then afterward she ended the song/performance by slumping right down so that we all thought she was going to fall off the bench, little shiny panties over tea kettle.

There was one point where her and her female band member were banging away on some garbage cans. I don't want to spoil this for you in case you one day see her (she will be headlining her own tour soon!), but, seriously, I had to cover my eyes and turn away.

Now rewind to where I said the sound was bad.

EVERYONE could hear me laughing.

Sweet kid. Beautiful. Talented. Rich.

And weird.

Three Years

I had a post all planned out in my wee little brain. It was going to be about the Kenny Chesney / Taylor Swift concert. I was going to wow you with my comic wit! Well, my friends, you'll have to wait until Monday for that, I'm afraid.

Although it was talked about yesterday, by this morning my brain had forgotten that we have a sad anniversary to talk about today. It wasn't until I was checking my facebook this morning that it dawned on me. I scrolled down my home page quickly, and suddenly saw a profile picture that I recognized.

It was Shelley.

(Shelley and my brother. It was his profile picture that was of Shelley today.)


And I'm a little weirded out to tell you that my very first thought (please remember that it was 5:30 in the morning and I was going on four hours sleep...) was "Wow! Shelley's playing Mafia Wars??"

But, alas, no. She's not.

Unless that's what they do in Heaven.

If you are new here and you'd like to catch up, you can read about Shelley here, my portion of her eulogy is here, and my thoughts here. I'm a little sad that I expect that there will be a year when this day will come and go without a second thought from me. I know it means that we've healed and moved on. I know that it is a healthy, natural occurance. But I dread it. I don't look forward to the guilt I will feel when I realize that I have forgotten the horror of this day.

Three years ago this morning Buddy left for work. Shelley likely slept in a little bit. She got up and maybe had some tea. Maybe not.

Three years ago this morning, Shelley filled out some paperwork that she had been putting off.

Three years ago this afternoon she prepared herself. She let the cat outside. She took out what she would need. When she had purchased this and where she hid it, we'll never know.

Three years ago, she went into their basement and did what she had been wanting to do for a long time.

If you had ever heard her laugh, this would surprise you.

If you had ever known her laid back, easy going nature, this would shock you.

If you lived in denial, like me, you would see her profile picture and think that she is, in fact, playing Mafia Wars on Facebook.

But this didn't surprise my brother. He came home to find the cat outside and a quiet house.

Three years ago, he came home to what he knew was coming.

He tore threw the house, calling her name, knowing she had a good reason for not answering him.

He knew, but the doctors wouldn't listen.

Three years ago, Shelley fell through the cracks, crevices and canyons of our health care system.

Three years ago, Shelley's actions rocked our world as we knew it.

Three years ago, my family hugged each other and cried.

Three years ago, we started planning our first funeral.

We love you Shelley and miss you so much!!

Go see Candid Carrie for more participants!

Joanne?

I took Liv to the library not too long ago. (No this isn't the time of the puddle jumping.)

I was into a really good book and she wanted to play at the computer, so I set her up and then kicked back on the couch that was close to her little station.

Every now and then I would glance up and see Liv with her littl headphones on and the mouse positioned just so, so that she clicks with her little thumb.

I would go back to my book.

This continued for a delightful 20 minutes, when suddenly over the loud speaker (I didn't even know those were ALLOWED in a library...) "Would Olivia's mom, Joanne, please come to the front desk? Olivia's mom, Joanne?"

As you may have noticed by my blog title, my name isn't Joanne.

But, alas, I looked up to find her no longer at her station.

I got up and went to the front desk where my sheepish little daughter waited, and I was greeted with a "There you are Joanne. Olivia couldn't find you."

So, then Olivia and Joanne walked quietly away from the front desk.

And I asked her, "Olivia, why did you call me Joanne?"

"Because I couldn't remember your name."



"So, you thought up JOANNE?" An incredibly old fashioned name for a five year old to think of.

And my friends, Olivia doesn't even KNOW a Joanne.

Weird.

Event Number Three - Asia

You've read about my June 25th extravaganza parts one and two, now it's time for three.  

Asia.  

Junior High is (thankfully) coming to an end for one of my girls.  Those horrific days that she will forever look back on and remember for all the good times and the bad.  

These are the years when music is the most powerful for us. (Probably because we are at our most dramatic and hormonal....)  

These are the years of our first boyfriends and first kisses.  Our first acts of rebellion and discovery. 

These are the years where our friends, no matter how brutal, mean the most to us.  They are the ones we shared and giggled and schemed our firsts with.

And these are the years when those friends tend to scatter to different high schools.

And so we bid farewell to these years and these friends with a celebration that was downsized this year to only awards and desserts.  No dinner. No dance. Nada.  

But the dresses and hair and make up and suits .... Oh, they were there.  Yes they were.

Asia posing with the school's mascot dude.  (And take a look at those funky shoes!!! Sigh....)

Getting ready for Class of 2009 pictures. Only one of these girls is carrying on to high school with Asia. (The one in the green. She made it onto the varsity cheer team.)

Asia, my beauty! (or one of)  And can I get a YOUARESOFRIGGINGAWESOME for the incredible hair?  In case you hadn't figured it out, yours truly did it! (Hours and hours, and redo after redo!)

Asia received an award for service.  (This included recycling, senior's homes, and general around-the-school stuff.)

The girl in the yellow dress, Jillian, was a very good friend of Asia's throughout the three years. She will be going to a different school in September, but her twin sister (in the green, beside Jill) is going to high school with Asia. They don't tend to be very good friends, but beggars can't be choosers, right?  I also have to share my glee that the twin's mom doesn't like Asia, and yet must put up with her for another three years!!!  ROTFL!!

Asia got the major athletics award.  This was for participating in more than five school sports teams throughout the year. I think she had six or seven under her belt!

This is the boyfriend that followed Devyn.  Her and Andrew have now broken up.  She admitted that he was really not her type, but she had to get it out of her system.  She definitely needs an outgoing athletic type who has the energy to keep up with her. (and her moods... oops! Was that my outside voice???)

Asia and Christopher.  Childhood friends.  And one fantastic looking couple, I must say.  (And Asia would want me to point out that she had just finished crying with her friends!!!)

My girls. I'm so lucky! (Remind me that I said that once I unlock the computer room door to fighting, screaming children...)

I can't believe that it has taken almost two weeks to share with you the goings-on of one day in my crazy life!!  And I also know that most of you can relate!  

Now, we are gone camping.  I'm hoping this post will come out for Wordful Wednesday as a scheduled post.  But one never knows....  

Tuesday's Tribute - Rain!

Tuesday's Tribute, hosted by Angie at 7 Clown Circus.  I recommend you give this a try sometime.  Sometimes, and this is one of those times, it can really be a wonderful moment in time. 

Liv and I had to go to the library today to get some movies for our camping trip. When we went in it was downpouring!!  This is fantastic, seeing as the season has been so dry.  

When we came out, though, the sun was shining again and it was just glorious.  The smell of rain is so awesome! 

I had my arms full as we walked to the van.  

I looked over at Liv, carefully walking through the puddle in her crocqs and barefeet, holding her long pants up out of the way.  

Right there, in the middle of the parking lot, I said to her, "Liv, jump!"  

She looked at me like I had grown a third arm.

"Just jump!" I repeated. 

So, she timidly did a little hop.  I encouraged her to just jump, jump, jump.  

"Don't worry about holding your pants up, Liv, just jump."

And off she went, giggling and jumping and hopping and running while I stood looking out for cars.  

And she just kept jumping.

It was a very cool moment.

Then my wet little bunny hopped into the van, stripped off her pants, and got into her booster seat with a huge grin on her face.

A very cool moment indeed.

Let's Talk Sex

Okay, so let’s do it.

Let talk about SEX.

(Dad, go away.)

Or lack thereof, I suppose. 

(Mom, you go away too. I am so not into a lecture over this.) 

(Grin)

I consider it to be sort of like the laundry in two ways. 

First, that it is sort of a chore, especially when done at the end of a long day.  Like laundry, it’s just difficult to get it started when at first it seems so daunting. But, once you getter done, you feel better.

Second, in that it, like laundry, NEEDS to be done. When you wonder aloud how a person can possibly not 'get to it' regularly, you need to also consider that that person is probably also wondering how you can possibly NEED it and WANT it done so often. 

Don’t you get the same 'job well done' pleasure from a chocolate bar or a good book? 

Weird.

And if a person isn't meeting that need. Just look after it yourself. While it is always nice to have someone else do it for you, if they don’t, then sometimes you just have to take the initiative.  

Like laundry.

I think it should be more of an annual celebration, personally.

Now, I’m not divulging personal crap about myself, more just stuff that rambles around in this empty space in my head.

This probably falls under the too much information category, and it's probably going to get me in trouble (again).  I'm so rarely OUT of the doghouse that I probably wouldn't know what the heck to do with myself anyway. 

(Snicker. Snicker. Grin.)

Men!!!

MEN WILL NEVER LISTEN

In a Chicago Hospital , a gentleman had made several attempts to get
into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied.
A nurse noticed his predicament.
Sir, she said "You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch
any of the buttons on the wall."
He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he
had promised not to touch..
Each button was identified by letters: WW , WA , PP and a red one
labeled ATR.
Who would know if he touched them? ;
He couldn't resist.. He pushed WW. Warm water was sprayed gently upon
his bottom.
What a nice feeling, he thought.
Men's restrooms don't have nice things like this.
Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air
replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside.
When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed
his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flower to this unbelievable
pleasure. The ladies restroom was more than a restroom,
it is tender loving pleasure.
When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push
the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.
Next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed, and a
nurse was staring down at him.
"What happened?" he exclaimed. "The last thing I remember was pushing
the ATR button."
"The button ATR is an Automatic Tampon Remover. Your penis is under your
pillow."

Event Number Two - Liv

So, back to my Super-D-Duper busy Thursday of last week.  Remember I told you we had all three milestone celebrations on the SAME DAY?? Here goes event number two, which was Liv's kindergarten celebration. 

They had their's as a BBQ at 5:30. This worked for Liv to at least be able to go and stay for an hour.

My kids aren't shy when the camera comes out.  

So happy, with her little flower stickers on her cheeks.

Liv with her teacher, Mrs. A. 

So, Liv will move on to Grade 1. Even though she refuses to learn her abc's. I'm not just talking the sight and sound of them. She can't even finish the frigging alphabet song. I refuse to stress over it. She'll know it by the time she finishes grade one. Heck, I'll be happy if she knows it by the time she hits junior high!

After this, Leon rushed with Liv and Cassie off to Asia's grad which was at 7:00. I was already there holding seats with my Mom and Gramma and getting Class of 2009 pictures!  Asia's big event will be posted next week!

Now go on over and see Candid Carrie/Incontinent Carrie/Internet Carrie for more!

A Mama's Guilt

The Prompts:

1.) Mother's guilt...tell us what happened.
(inspired by Lolli)

2.) Write five "Incredibly Short Books". Some examples:

"Chemical Contraception Choices for Catholic Couples"
"Teenage U.S. Presidents"
"The Book of Female Popes"
"The 2008 Book of General Motors Profits"

Dan says, "The point is that the book is of zero size since the title is a contradiction with reality."
(inspired by Dan)

3.) I'll be happy when ________________.
(inspired by Tracy P.)

4.) Relay an interesting conversation you recently had with someone that may or may not involve creating a Loch Ness Monster Theme Park.
(inspired by Jen)

5.) Show us something you made!
(inspired by Janis)


I'm totally signing up for number one!!

It all happened about five and a half years ago.

I know this because we had just had Olivia and I was so sick afterward I could barely stand it.

Cassie asked it she could have a popsicle. So naturally, since I probably had no plans to make supper anytime soon, I said yes, and off she went to the freezer.

I think I have mentioned my short term memory problems to you before. This is one of those times when it failed me altogether.

Leon came downstairs about 20 minutes later, and just as he was starting to ask after Cassie, I perked up and said, "Asia, go check on Cassie!"

I told Leon she had gone to get a popsicle about 20 minutes earlier and she hadn't come back.

Leon went running to the garage where we had our new-to-us old-style freezer. You know. The ones that lock? Yup.

There she was.

Curled up in the bottom eating her popsicle.

She had jumped in, because we're not big on buying in bulk or doing any baking that lasts long enough to find itself in the freezer, and it closed behind her and latched.

I, to this day, think/know that she was just curious what would happen if.... and closed it behind her.

And then started to panic when she couldn't get out.

I feel sick to my stomach even telling this story.

She yelled. But the freezer was in our garage so no one could hear her screaming.

She layed on her back and kicked at it with her feet.

She stood at the bottom and pushed with all of her 6 year old back strength.

And finally, when she had run out of other options, she just started to pray.

And eat her popsicle.

We come from good stock, people. When all else seems to fail you .... EAT.

She looks up and sees Leon scooping her up and Asia looking on in concern.

And where was her mama? Still sitting in the same old chair.

I didn't rush to her. I didn't even get off my sick, exhausted butt.

20 minutes locked in a freezer and I didn't even get up. 

I think I get the Bad Mom Award, right?

Perhaps next time I'll tell you about the time she was dangling from her tippy-toes off the side of her bed with the cord from the blind wrapped around her little three year old neck.  

Good times, people.  Good times.  

Go see Mama Kat for more!