Let's see if this one works:

The Thingy

The
Thingy

Say What??

Okay, so I'm just going to come out and say it.

My family is crazy.

And I'm the sane one. So what does that tell you?

Seriously. I said that to Leon last night and he looked at me. Deadpan.

And I thought, WTF??

For the first 8 years I was monotone, even-tempered and b*o*r*i*n*g.

In other words, I was a doormat.

And that gets tiring.

And it hurts. Because no one ever notices your sacrifices.

So eventually I said fuck it.

Because I wanted a life too.

So now, I'm busy from working a full time job +.

I'm back to parenting three kids through tension so thick a machete can't cut through it.

And I've learned that to get anything done, I have to nag just a little bit.

Boiling over inside because no one was lifting a finger wasn't helping anyone.

Anger issues? Um. Yeah. It's called being busy, tired and stressed out.

And if someone takes me out in soccer I want to retaliate by destroying their knee caps. You have a problem with that?

And just FYI, having moods that consist of anger, sadness, joy and blah is not a mental illness.

At least that's what all the little voices in my head are telling me.

My Best Answer To Any Question Will Always Come In Blog Form

I was asked a little while ago how I put up with Leon's imperfections.

Yes, plural.

Now, please understand (Leon) that this wasn't a question specifically directed at me because Leon is such a pest. Even though he is. Rather, it was a general relationship question. And for some reason, this person thought that I might actually have a most perfect and inspiring answer.

My answer was "bite my tongue and tip-toe". I know. I'm chalk full of wisdom.

However, having had some time now to digest the question and properly regurgitate a most fabulous answer, I feel the need to share it with everyone. (Complete with music if you want to scroll down and play it while you read.)

So here it is to all seven of you who read my poor, neglected blog.

I put up with Leon's imperfections because he is my husband. My confidante. My friend. The father of my children.

And you know what? He also puts up with my many imperfections. I leave my shoes wherever they happen to leave my feet. (And it takes three sweeps of the house for me to find them.) I insist on leaving my hair products on the bathroom counter. (And he insists on putting them away.) God knows I have put on weight since we met. (And bless him for pretending to look the other way when we both know he isn't.) I prefer to read at night. (And we'll just leave it at that.) I've decided since going to work full time that McDonald's provides a fully balanced meal consisting of meat, potatoes, bread and pickles. (And so he cooks me REAL food without complaining. Much.)

I find that we have both hardened in some ways that I wish we hadn't. And we both put up with habits and traits that may just drive each other crazy.

Because you know what? We're just human. I have a few people in the world that I love to judge, but for the most part I won't notice if you put on weight or get a bad haircut. I won't mind if you swear like a sailor or are the prude of all prudes. If I love the person that you are, then I will love you no matter what.

Even if you're a shit.

Which Leon is. On the best of days.

We did have a very rough patch not long ago. And I mean rough.

We worked through it.

We showed we were human.

We faced how delicate a marriage really can be.

And I honestly feel that we are better for it.

I'm still here after 18 years, three kids, several dogs and even more houses, bills and even more bills, whiny bouts of tears and countless rounds of hysterical laughter, because I want to be.

Flaws and all.

I May Look Calm, But In My Head I've Killed You Three Times

I have to say, some of these little "likes" on facebook are an absolute freaking riot!! Check it out:

• He came to me one night. Explored my body, licked, sucked, swallowed! When satisfied, he left & I was hurt!!... Fu*king mosquito! (This one is extra special, because we have been taken over by the horrible things. Finally warm and now we can't even go outside.)
• I may look calm, but in my head, I've killed you three times. (Oh. My. God. I have so been here.)
• Sometimes your knight in shining armor is just a retard in tin foil (Yup. I got this one covered too. Those of you invited to my private blog know bits and pieces of this story. That blog was deserted promptly once I forgot where the hell it was and how to get into it. Sigh...)
• No matter how hot a woman is, somewhere in the world there is a man fed up with her bullshit!!! (And for every man fed up, you can't bet she has pissed off approximately 17 of her BFF's just for being beautiful!)
• so you love me..dose your girlfriend know (I love the spelling in this one. It has "forever mistress" written all over it, doesn't it?)
• Roses are red Violets are blue I've got five fingers The middle one's for you (Love it. Sheer brilliance.)

So, now you know the tamer side of what your kids are looking at on facebook. You'd better start paying for your own nursing home now my friends. This is not an intelligent group.

The Things I Know For Sure

James Patterson is my favorite summer read. I've read about a million of his books this summer and they are great for the park, driving (at red lights or as a passenger.... tee hee) at the beach or in bed after a long day. The chapters are nice and short so you can plow through a book in no time at all. It makes you look incredibly smart to have your nose in a different book every second day.

Old family friends are having baby number nine. They say it's a boy. I say it's the lemur, Zaboomafoo. (I swear it IS his little smiling face looking out!) We'll have to wait a few more months to find our for sure. U/S techs have been known to make errors every now and then. Or hey, we could both be right and it's a boy lemur.

Photo jacked from friend's facebook page without permission. :-)

I'm still waiting for my cortisone injection and continue to load up on drugs before and after soccer games. The rest of my activities have dropped off and my boredom eating has increased, so almost all that weight I lost in the winter is now back. Yay me.

Leon and the girls minus one are camping. I'm working all week and trying to squeeze in some visits with girlfriends and overtime to pay for my car.

Minus one is still not home. We're quickly approaching the three month mark and there is still no sign of hell freezing over. However winter is quickly going to be upon us, which will be perfect timing for school, soccer and cheer fees coming due. Seeing as Edmonton = Hell and winter = freezing, thus Hell will be freezing over before we know it. (If you read into that my total dislike of this place I live and am stuck in, you would be correct.)

I spent much of today in a bit of a funk. People who read my blog may think that happens often, but it actually doesn't. My blog is just where I put it all so I can lighten my load. I found out that "minus one" is so completely against coming home even for a night that she broke a window to get in to 'her house' because her one of her other options would have been to come home. Something as simple as "Hey, I'm locked out of my house, can I crash at your house tonight?" didn't even enter the equation. Oh, and that would have been her wording, not mine, by the way. Nice, huh? I don't know what it was we did, or maybe that we didn't do, to cause her to hate us so much, but she can barely be in the room with me. I know that she's a teenager and she's supposed to be stupid and selfish, but can we not catch a break at some point? At least tell us what we're doing wrong so we don't drive the other two away.

Speaking of the others, I let Liv sleep with me last night because her dad was working a night shift and they were heading off camping. (Where I know she will totally miss me no matter how adamantly she denies it.) I woke up at 4:00 in the morning with her completely on top of me. Not just partially. Nope. Completely! I was on my tummy and she was laying on my back on her tummy, completely over top of me. Weird.

Cassie is addicted to a new teen trilogy. She has been reading non-stop since Thursday. We're talking until 3:00 a.m. You know what that means, right? Yup. Another cranky teenager. Sigh... Oh, and it's the Dark Powers trilogy if anyone is interested. (The Summoning, The Awakening and The Reckoning)

So, overtime for me tomorrow, two dates crammed into Wednesday evening and then more overtime on Thursday. Good times. When the hubby and children are away, the wife will work her freaking tail off. Oh well. At least I'm not cleaning the house. Even I have my limits.