My life in pictures, stories and open letters.

My life in pictures, stories and open letters.
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Saturday, December 20, 2008

I Really Wanted A Penis Today....

Seriously.

But not for reasons you might think.

Not because I'm a horny devil. And George will confirm that, if need be.

Not during any of my labours while I shook and cried.

Not so I can pee standing up. Or for that matter, not have to strip down to my practically nothings and stick my ass in the snow to squat and pee.

Not even when I see a man's pay cheque for working almost as hard as me.

Nope.

Not when the lining of my uterus tears away every month causing severe agony and a 7 pound weight gain.

Nor when all the junior high girl shit was happening and boys were basically immune from it.

Not even then, surprisingly enough.

But tonight, I did.

I desperately wanted to be able to do the humane, kind thing, which, in this situation required outdoor plumbing.

I wanted to haul someone's cold, sorry ass off the road as he ran for the bus he was clearly going to miss, put him in my always freezing, but at least out of the wind van, and drive him where he needed to go.

But smart, normal women just CAN'T! No matter how desperately you want to help this poor soul, you really just never know. And I still had control of the steering wheel, and could very easily drive into something in a pinch if I had to, I just can't pick up a man when I'm all by myself.

If George was with me, I would have been all over stopping the van and letting this poor guy in. I mean, really, it's minus 32 with the wind chill, and that was this afternoon. It has cooled off considerably since then.

That just sucks that I couldn't help this guy, you know?

And I've got some alcohol induced feistiness going on right now. 'Nuff said.

10 comments:

Lilly's Life said...

See Rhonda, you are just so kind hearted. Thing is if you had one you probably would have driven right by anyway. Kind of tough when someone is struggling in that kind of weather but you did the right thing.

Gosh to think you were lying in the hot sun not that long ago. Minus 32????

That was a great post. And there has NEVER been an occasion when I wanted a penis ever.

By the way what were you drinking If I was in that weather I would do what the Russians do and drink my vodka neat and straight from the bottle.....

Blog Stalker said...

Okay, was not sure where you were gonna go with that heading! lol

Not that the equipment you were wishing for makes it any safer to help people out in this day and age. Every time I pass someone with a flat tire I want to stop just to see if there is something I can do(call someone at the least) but seem to always be in a rush. And then have to think of my safety as well.

Have a great day!

Betty said...

I agree with LIly, if you had one, you wouldn´t even have seen the poor guy!
You are so sweet and that´s why I like you! :)

We are having 42°C above zero....with wind "chill" of 100!!

Ronda's Rants said...

OMG...minus 32 degrees!!!!
You have the warmest heart and you live in such a cold place...if you moved here with me in Florida...you would be Mother Theresa!!!
I love you even though you don't have a penis (i can't believe I am typing this) and I know Leon/George loves you 'cause you don't have one!
We all love you just the way you are....

AmberP said...

Haha that heading was cracking me right up... but I completely agree, there are some things that us ladies just CAN'T do... that's one of them :(
Hopefully he found some warmth somewhere out there.

wy-not said...

Hi Sweetie. I am so relieved, albeit sad, that you didn't do the Good King Wenceslas thing and help out the poor bugger. He was likely a perfectly nice, well-raised, normal person – but it's not worth your life to find out for sure. There's one other thing about -32 (Celsius and Fahrenheit meet at -40, just for those who are temperature-challenged) is not healthy weather for leaving a poinsettia in your car. :-) It was a lovely plant, and I am trying to bring it back. But I am pretty sure that dead is dead. I love the sentiment and the gift, and of course the cookies are AMAZING! So thank you my love, for the story, the lesson, the treats and the slightly winter-damaged poinsettia!

InfertileMadWoman said...

See, I do that to... Hard to not be able to help people when you really want to huh??

BTW, your last few posts have left me with tears and snot running down my face!!! Go you!!!!

Hugs,
Rebel

Tulsi said...

I remember my mom, with us 2 kids , would stop and pick up hitch hikers and not thing twice. I can't do it either. I don't even go camping in a tent because I'm just sure someone is going to go wacko and get us.

Anita J. said...

That was so funny and so sweet at the same time.

Tulsi, I feel the whole tent thing. Cause what is a little piece of fabric going to do?

careysue said...

I have to say, you really have a way with words!

I totally agree it does suck, that we have to be afraid, and not help someone.
When I see something like that I imagine it being my brothers and still you can't do it!

Thanks for reminding us, especially young girls that might of not thought and picked up a stranger!