My life in pictures, stories and open letters.

My life in pictures, stories and open letters.
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Wednesday, May 05, 2010

An Open Letter To New Moms

Okay, so here it is. In all its glory. Exactly what I think of parenting.

The Prompts:

1.) Open letter to new moms.

(inspired by Tiffany from The Secret Is In The Sauce).

Dear Foolish Young Soul:

Please know that while you are terribly excited and scared right now, soon, so very soon, you will hold your wee bundle in your shaking, nervous arms.

And please know that all your fears are about to come true.

He or she will poop and puke on you. But really, those are the least of your problems. That babe is going to keep you up nights, and you're not going to know why. You won't know what the hell is wrong when she is screaming her fool little head off. When her little privates are red and swollen and look like they hurt like a son-of-a-bitch, let me tell you here and now, they do, and short of letting her lay out buck naked and trying every diaper rash cream on the market, there's not a thing you can do about it.

But then she falls asleep in your arms, and she's snoring just a little bit, and you'll forgive her for peeing on your carpet.

Then they get a little older, and have ZERO social awareness. They won't care if they are in church or WalMart. They won't give a hoot that everyone on the entire planet is looking at them ... and YOU ... and thinking "Thank the good Lord above I am not the parent of THAT!"

And then, one rainy day, you'll come out of the grocery store and see her looking at a puddle. Just staring at it like a grown woman looks at a diamond ring. And you'll tell her to go ahead and jump in. Running shoes and all. And she'll look at you with great big eyes, like you are the best mom in the world. Trust me, stripping down a kid who just spent five minutes clomping around in a puddle the size of the ocean, and driving home with her giggling because she's buck naked in her booster seat, makes you forget the candy tantrum she had in the store just moments before.

When she's 7, she'll pick her nose on stage during the school play and she'll go to church in a cute little dress with no panties on. She'll swear at a kid during recess and you get hauled into the office, you'll want to disown her right there and then.

But later on, at bedtime, she'll read to you in a sing-song little voice, with her bony little shoulders moving and grooving to her own little beat, and you'll be convinced that the other kid started it - and even had it comin'.

The sad news, though, is that the precious little bundle that amazes you now, will one day turn into a typical teenager. She'll tell you to shut up. She'll be on the phone all the time, IF she's home. Her room will be trashed. She won't help with the dishes. She's just plain old mean and angry all. the. time.

I'm sure there will be a positive spin to put to this later. I just don't know it yet. Right now I'm thinking the reward, like the snoring baby, the giggling puddle jumper, and the reader, will be when the teenager moves out.

But I'll be sure to post another open letter when I know how it turns out. It's a thing of nightmares right now.

Just enjoy these little years. They are truly the best. And if you figure out a cure for teenopathy or learn a thing or two about bitchology, please, for the love of God...help me.


11 comments:

suzannah @ so much shouting/laughter said...

i'm wrestling through 2 yr old defiance--not ready for the teenage variety!

from personal experience, though, everyone appreciates each other again in their twenties. hold on!

cruisinhippo said...

Love it! Laughed my butt off!!!

Angie said...

Love it, love it, love it. Am now even more terrified of what life will bring when my kids hit their teens, though.

Stopping by from Mama Kat's...I wrote on the same prompt this week. I've read several others, and I'm loving the fact that nobody is sugar-coating motherhood. Thanks for sharing!

Heather said...

This is why I'm so scared to have a girl! I'm pregnant with #2 right now, a girl this time, and I'm terrified of the mean phase.

Clicking thru from Mama Kat's...

Anonymous said...

Remember...I'm hanging in there right with you with my Shelby (a.k.a. Asia #2)! Lord help you and me both! Love ya, Kristina

Betty said...

Dear mom of a teenager:
Please know that while you cannot wait for the day, when you´re ALWAYS mad daughter/son will move out, you will start to worry about them as soon as the door closes behind them. And that´s when you can´t DO anything anymore. You can only watch how they make a "life" for themselves and pray it´s going to go alright. BUT, there will come the day, when they will come to you and realize you were right and ASK FOR YOUR ADVICE! It will be a momentous occasion! :) And you will LOVE it.

erica said...

Great post... I love the mix of sweet and sour!

Enjoy these times, my friend!

wy-not said...

Life is a continuum, and only the luckiest of mothers get to go along for the whole ride. Ask any mother about motherhood and her opinion (and sometimes even her look) will tell you exactly where she is located on that continuum. Look serene and joyous? She has a great baby who sleeps through the night. Looking frazzled and worn out? She's chasing a toddler. Looking world-weary and a bit pissed off? HER DAUGHTER IS A TEENAGER! Looking relatively normal, if a bit spaced-out? She's an empty nester and loving every minute of it. Hang on, babe! You'll get to that part of the continuum, and you'll love it too. The only cure for an angry teen is time. :-)

Love you forever

Mama

Amber Page Writes said...

SOmeday, that angry teenager is going to be a mom, and then she will realize that you? Are a saint. And she is lucky to have you.

Erin said...

This was perfectly said :) Oh, motherhood...I can't wait.

shannonhicks said...

I had to "tough love" my son several years ago. Although he was already out of the house, it was one of the hardest things I have ever been through, because he and I are incredibly close and have been through a LOT together. I told him that he was not welcome in our home, nor would I accept his calls until certain things changed. It broke my heart every time my husband's cell rang and I knew it was my son. (Husband wouldn't take the chance son wouldn't love HIM!) You can't imagine the incredible joy the day he called me on mine. Being a mother is the hardest job on earth. And the most fulfilling.