My life in pictures, stories and open letters.

My life in pictures, stories and open letters.
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Wednesday, September 02, 2009

The First Time I....

This is the first time in all of my 13 years of taking kids to school that I had to miss the FIRST day of school drop off. I did stay home long enough to take pictures of my kids (which will be up tomorrow) and hug and kiss my wee one and wish the others a great first day.

This is the first time in all of my 13 years of taking kids to school that I can honestly say was my last opportunity to take my youngest to her first day of grade one. And that sucks.

This is the first time in all of my 13 years of taking kids to school that I can say I have given birth to a high school student. And that is really quite an odd feeling.

This is the first time in all of my 13 years of taking kids to school that I have had to hold down a full time job. While I enjoy the job and the team I work with, I'm tired. And cranky. And having trouble letting go of the mom guilt.

This is the first time in all of my 13 years of taking kids to school that I have to hand over control and the day-to-day running of the house to Leon. I have to cut him some slack and realize that my priorities will not be his priorities. His clean will not be my clean. His plan may not, and likely WILL not be my plan for him.

This is the first time in all of my 13 years of taking kids to school that I have suffered such terrible insomnia that wasn't the result of the new wee babe in my arms. Because now, for the first time in all of my life, I have three kids that are all in full time school. And every opportunity to sleep through the night. And I'm at work without my therapy cleaning day. Without my vegging day. Without my volunteer at a field trip day.

And this is the first time in all of my parenting years that I am trying my very best, but still seem to be coming up short.

And that sucks too.

But on the up side, like I said, I was able to take pictures and I will post them tomorrow. There has to be SOME sunshine on this blog, or you crazy folks won't ever come back!

7 comments:

DysFUNctional Mom said...

I hope you all have a good year.

Life with Kaishon said...

This made me cry a little. I can't really handle it. Oh my goodness. It is so hard to watch them grow up isn't it? Man! Good luck this year! I am sure they are adorable in their pictures!

SupahMommy said...

What a heartwrenching posty. It seems like the grass is always greener huh.. we can never win. We need paid, we need our independence.. but yet we miss out on exactly what we signed up for. The special moments... Do we miss being responsible for every cotton pickin thing as a stay at home.. nope.. But I feel ya. :) I'm certain that your girls memories are far different from your own perspective of these special days. Make the time you do have with them very special indeed so that you don't remember what you didnt' get to do, but instead what you did special and different this year.


:) It'll trump anything you're feeling guilty about. My mom worked all my live long life.

On a side note... weddings ...

Do you cry like I do... when photographing.. im sure that's not good for the biz.. but.. a weddings a wedding... and a cryfest at that!!

Happy Writers Workshop.
d

Anonymous said...

My baby started her senior year in high school. Talk about sad! Where did the time go?
Annette

Jeanette said...

That's got to be tough. Hope you can find a happy balance.

Betty said...

Awe, so sorry! I know it sucks and it really must be tough!! Wish I could cheer you up. I think you need a Ladies night out!

wy-not said...

Keep smiling baby girl. Enjoy those moments you get and don't sweat about the rest. It'll be alright. You'll see.