My life in pictures, stories and open letters.

My life in pictures, stories and open letters.

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Sunday, February 22, 2009

Monday Funnies

Q. What is the difference between a Drug Dealer and a Hooker?
A. A Hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your Mother-In-Law backing off a cliff in your new car.

Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball

Q. What is a Yankee?
A. The same as a quickie, but a Guy can do it alone.

Q. What do Tupperware and a Walrus have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.

Q: What's the difference between a Girlfriend and a Wife?
A: 45 pounds.

Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A . They don't have balls to scratch!

The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, 'I've some bad news. You have cancer, and you'd best put your affairs in order.'

The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting.

“Well, daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't well. I have cancer. Let's head to the club and have a martini.”

After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more martinis. They were eventually approached by some of the woman's old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating.

The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end. “I've been diagnosed with AIDS.” The friends were aghast, gave the woman their condolences and beat a hasty retreat.

After the friends left, the woman's daughter leaned over and whispered, “Momma, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS! Why did you do that??”

“Because I don't want any of those bitches sleeping with your father after I'm gone.”

And THAT, my friends, is what is called, 'Putting Your Affairs in Order.


This confirms that I'd rather be a bad driver than an ignorant one. Thankfully, I am neither.... lol

The camera strap cover will be drawn AFTER I make myself presentable enough for a video presentation. That, and my 14 year old has to show me how to use our web cam...

Have a fabulous Monday!


Unknown said...

Great parking jobs.

I just want to own the repair shop where ever all those drivers are.

(And great jokes as well.)

Teri said...

The jokes are perfect for today. And I am so happy that I know how to drive...properly.

Betty said...

I loved all the jokes, but the video to top it off was just great! I´m going to show my hubby this, he loves this kind of thing. And especially ´cause of the "man parking" in the end! haha

Thanks for adding my button!

Claremont First Ward said...

dEFINITELY funnies!

wy-not said...

Howdy. Great laughs. Thanks.

Putting the FUN in DysFUNctional said...

This cracked me up!!

Lilly said...

Really great and I might use some of those jokes if I can remember them. Love the video!

jill jill bo bill said...

TOO good. I will use those and screw them up like I do all the other ones I tell.