The End Of My Rope...

I've had a bit of a rough year.  Rough by my standards.  I have made blog friends who have truly had some troubling times, and I don't even pretend to think that I've got it so bad. No one in my family is battling cancer, or infertility, unemployment or bankruptcy. 

Today is just me taking a moment to complain and to worry. To have about 17 different emotions all wrapped up in one great big self.

Leon was doing his thing for a few years, trying to get into the Fire Department. In February we said good-bye to money and hello to Happy Leon. It was a great trade off, or one that I know deep down will eventually be great. But financially? Yup. It sucks.

In April I was hit by a car while riding my bike home from work. I stood on the corner and waited for the light, made eye contact, and proceeded across the street in the crosswalk. I noticed the guy I was certain I had made eye contact with still a'comin, and turned to look at him.  He was turning right and looking out his window at the oncoming traffic for an opening to go. It was at that point I knew that if he saw a break in traffic, then I would be hit. I had just gotten started, uphill, in a hard gear, so there was no way I could move fast enough. And suddenly I was flying through the air, and landed about 10 feet away in the lane of oncoming traffic, right in front of the bus he was trying to beat. 

Several witnesses stopped to offer to call an ambulance. The driver offered to call one. I declined. I wasn't hurt, short of my ass and hand, and seriously just wanted to go home, but my bike was toasted. Another witness came up and said "An ambulance is on its way."  I asked him to please cancel it, I was fine, besides I had no insurance and couldn't pay for it.  He refused to cancel it. The ambulance attendants came up to me, and I put up my hands and said "It's okay, I'm fine. I'm okay!" They, of course, saw the opportunity to totally screw someone over, and said that they would still just like to check me over if I didn't mind. I did mind. But at this point, I was just wanting to go home so badly and was not thinking clearly and followed them.

The police told the guy that hit me that it would be really nice of him to pay for the repairs for my bike, as he had agreed, but that he didn't have to.  Car insurance would be on his side because I got on my bike to ride across the street. Isn't that nice? 

And wouldn't you know that I got a bill for $250, over and above the $150 my bike cost me (the guy that hit me didn't pay it), because they checked my blood pressure? I was floored. I wrote them and said that I refused their services four times and had no intention of paying this bill.  They took advantage of the situation, and could clearly see that I was fine.

So they sent the matter to collections.  I sent them a letter and explained very politely what happened.  I asked if they were provided with services that they had refused four times, but the company went ahead and provided the service anyway, would they expect to have to pay?  I think not.

So now this "matter" is on its way to court. I have had visions of the court room battle and the judge siding with the city, because really, the "justice" system is just as corrupt as politics and the judge is clearly bending over for someone and will make me pay.

I then, in my little dream, ask the judge if freedom of speech applies in his court room. When he says yes, then I say "Good, because I think you are a stupid asshole with your lips wrapped snugly around someone's ......"

Then I write the City of Edmonton (AKA see what I said to the judge above) a cheque made out to "The Stupid Effin (insert proper word there) City of Edmonton" with the amount being "$250 more than their worth". 

And then I proceed to blog about the stupid asses that make up our stupid ass government until I get arrested.

Doesn't that sound like fun?  

But then I factored in that I may lose some of you. So I won't blog about them daily. Not for long, anyway.

Then there is the fact that I hate my job. Yup. Huge factor.

There is the fact that I have worked multiple jobs for three years now and have hit a major burn out. And don't have a single red penny to my name.  This could be why my hair is now the colour of a shiny new penny.  At least now I feel like I'm worth SOMETHING! And now I'm down to one job. It's going to be a long hard winter at our house this year.

Last, is the ordeal of raising an angry, physically aggressive, mean and irrational teenage daughter. I know what you are all thinking. They are all like that. I'm sure some are. But this one is different.  I remember being a teenager. I remember being mean and irrational and angry and self-pitying sometimes.  Mine is like that ALWAYS! I'm at my end. And today, I totally lost it. If I could have caught her, she would have been a dead, angry, irrational, mean teenager. I was THAT angry. I even threatened, and would seriously consider, foster care. I don't know how much more of her this family can handle.  She told me that she has planned to kill herself four times. I responded, totally emotionlessly with, "Yeah, what teenage girl HASN'T???" She tells me that she has even cut her wrists and pushes her wrist into my face. My family has experienced suicide before, so really, shouldn't I feel SOMETHING at this point? 

I think I need a little padded room. And crazy person drugs. Lots of them. 

Okay. I'm done.  For those of you who hung around, thank you for "listening". But I'm glad today's tirade happened on a Saturday, when I think many of you take time off blogging. 

I'll try not to do this often.

I do hope your weekend is going well, and that if you are raising teenagers yourselves, that you are doing a better job than I am.