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Sunday, April 13, 2008
OMG! Who's the fat girl?
At my stage rehearsal at the Myer Horowitz on Thursday night, I was practising with my group when suddenly we heard our music playing somewhere. We found one of our ladies at a table where she had set up her little DVD player and was playing a recording of us dancing at our last practise. I was busy looking for me, as we all tend to want to see ourselves. I looked to where I thought I should be, then looked again, because I couldn't find myself. I was certain that I was to be in that row in this portion of the dance, but nope. I wasn't there. I looked again, positive that I should be the third person back in that first row. Then I realized. I was the fat girl that I first noticed when I walked over to the DVD player. I don't remember now what I thought when I saw that girl I didn't know was me. It may have been something along the lines of "Oh, I didn't realize we had any larger dancers on our side of the routine." I'm sure it was close to that, anyway. When I realized it was me, I just watched for another minute, in absolute disbelief. Then that disbelief turned to embarrassment. Then disgust. I can't believe I've let this happen. But does knowing it help me to stop it? Nope. I think it has made it worse, actually. How friggin sad and pathetic is that?