My life in pictures, stories and open letters.

My life in pictures, stories and open letters.
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Sunday, April 13, 2008

OMG! Who's the fat girl?

At my stage rehearsal at the Myer Horowitz on Thursday night, I was practising with my group when suddenly we heard our music playing somewhere. We found one of our ladies at a table where she had set up her little DVD player and was playing a recording of us dancing at our last practise. I was busy looking for me, as we all tend to want to see ourselves. I looked to where I thought I should be, then looked again, because I couldn't find myself. I was certain that I was to be in that row in this portion of the dance, but nope. I wasn't there. I looked again, positive that I should be the third person back in that first row. Then I realized. I was the fat girl that I first noticed when I walked over to the DVD player. I don't remember now what I thought when I saw that girl I didn't know was me. It may have been something along the lines of "Oh, I didn't realize we had any larger dancers on our side of the routine." I'm sure it was close to that, anyway. When I realized it was me, I just watched for another minute, in absolute disbelief. Then that disbelief turned to embarrassment. Then disgust. I can't believe I've let this happen. But does knowing it help me to stop it? Nope. I think it has made it worse, actually. How friggin sad and pathetic is that?

3 comments:

Evi said...

Sweety...I am sure you look amazing...you always have!
Have coffee with ME and you will feel better about yourself!
Nice to see you post again!

Evi said...

Hey Rhonda...you need to get blogging more regularly again...I love reading the things you have to say.
So I send you a 'meme' to motivate you...check out my blog to get instructions.

Sandy said...

Now just quit that. It makes me sad. This is an ironic sort of issue. We give in to the stuff we enjoy, suffer the consequences, worry about the vain appearance issue, stress out about it -- and yet WE are the only ones with the power to change it. How ironic is that! Why couldn't we be addicted to lettuce and celery? Allergic to chocolate and refined sugar? Turned on by apples and yogurt? Life is just NOT fair.