Life without kids?

There are writing prompts that speak to you sometimes, and this was it for me.

3.) Describe what you think your life would be like if you had never had kids.
(inspired by Amy from Somebody's Parent)

A life with no kids?

Let's pretend for a moment that there are some good parents out there who will choose this option - and that I am one of them. Yes, we know better, but work with me here, okay?

I wasn't the youngest mom out there, but I was the youngest of my circle. So, let's take a look at my life for a moment without those cranky, hormonal beings that insist on living here and calling me "mom" (on a good day).

I would get up in the morning with no one to haul out of bed but myself. The shower would be mine, when I want it. My conditioner would be full, AND it would be a salon brand. There would be towels clean and folded, as opposed to wet and crumpled on my floor. I would save an extra five minutes because I wouldn't have to look around for my hairspray. It would just be right where I left it.

I would most certainly not be living here. I would be in some executive apartment style condo with a gym and a pool and I would be mortgage free.

I would leave for work when I was ready. There would be no angry children on my heels waking the neighbourhood. My work phone would be answered to those calling for a real reason, not just wondering what was for supper.

I would have extra money that wouldn't need to be spent on field trips, child care and truck loads of candy for bribes. Money would be plentiful. I would drive a cutesy little convertible two-seater, and my wee little no-baby-body (that I keep this way because I am a most awesome fitness trainer) would be dressed to kill. My fake blond hair would be blowing in the wind. I would be quite amazing.

I would be free to see my friends, who wouldn't be so free to see me due to their own children getting in the way of their lives. And I would be completely judgemental about the way they are raising said children and absolutely and totally upset that they can't just go out at the drop of a hat like I can.

I would take amazing holidays to far away places. I would have so many more options with only one or two people to pay for, instead of five. Greece, Italy, Paris, Hawaii and Fiji. Oh. My. Stars. And did I mention my bikini body?

Last, but certainly not least, I would have no one to do 17 loads of laundry for every week. No one to come home to cook and clean for. No one to tell me that I'm effing stupid, or that they hate me. No one to embarrass by playing my Glee Rocky Horror Picture Show music full bast with all the windows down. No one to shout "I love you" to outside of their school in front of their friends. I would have no tiny little soccer players of my own to watch and cheer for. No cheerleaders or singers to make my heart full.

There would not be a precious little seven year old snoring and sneaking her thumb under the blanket in bed here beside me.

And that would really suck. My time will come. And I will try to be patient and wait it out.

They're worth it, after all. I think.