Oh, who the hell am I kidding? This was no fairy tail, and he was no prince!
He is, however, going to play a little part in this story regardless.
One day, "not my prince" brought home an aquarium. In that aquarium were five mice.
I had hamsters and quite enjoyed them and thought they were the cutest things ever.
I don't have the same feelings for mice. But how would "not my prince" know that? Why, because he never asked, of course.
I took one look at these five little white mice and thought, these are not pets, they are snake food. (Which I find totally gross and sad of course!)
I said to "not my prince", "You DO know that these things MULTIPLY and should NEVER be housed TOGETHER, right?"
He responded with, "Oh no, it's okay. They are all boys. And I've named them after The Simpsons."
You may recall that the Simpsons family has TWO BOYS and THREE GIRLS in their family.
Well he nailed that, because very soon we had three pregnant little BOYS running around.
I immediately did the thing that I thought was reasonable. I put the pregnant BOYS in hamster cages, because I thought the REAL BOYS would be mean to the babies.
I came home from, I don't know, either school or work one day to discover that all three mothers and all their million babies were GONE!
It would have been really cool if someone, ANYONE, had told me that mice can flatten themselves paper thin and get through the bars of these hamster cages.
"Not my prince" and I lived in a twenty-something floor high rise.
And there were now about 40 mice running around in the walls.
"Not my prince" was working out of town, so would set up traps before he left. There was only once when I was sitting on the couch watching TV ALL ALONE when I heard a S*N*A*P underneath me.
That thing stayed there for about another week until "not my prince" came home to deal with it.
And then when he left again he set all the traps again.
I didn't like this much, because these were OUR babies. Innocent little things that should never have been sold to "not my prince" in an aquarium with assurances that they were all the same sex.
So after he left, I flicked all the traps and set snacks out for them.
And then I went down to the landlord and gave our month's notice.
There was no frigging way that I was gonna' live there anymore!!
Now every time I drive past that high-rise, I find myself wondering if they still have a mouse problem!!
Insert evil giggle here......