My life in pictures, stories and open letters.

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Monday, March 02, 2009

Tossing & Turning & Can't Sleep At Night....

I am tossing around the idea of going to work full time.

  1. Benefits
  2. Pension contributions
  3. Stat days
  4. Money
  5. Job security, as much as is possible anyway
  6. Less chance that I will kill my teenage daughters and land in prison

  1. Liv
  2. I'm scared to death that I can't handle being a full time working mom. I've never done it. It's been 15 years since my last full time job.
  3. More money just means worse financial habits
  4. ONLY stat days - When the heck am I going to do laundry and clean house? 
  5. No one home to keep my teenage daughters in line. 
  6. Liv

There is no saying I would get a full time job, just because I happen to be thinking about it, but part of me is terrified that it might happen and the other part of me knows that you have to grab an opportunity if it comes, even if it isn't in the perfect timetable of your life.

Just this morning I woke Liv up before leaving for work, and she, in her cute little squeaky voice, asked if I was going to be home with her today.  "Not today, Baby".  

I'm worried that I won't have anything left for my family if I work full time. That I will be preoccupied with trying to keep the house "presentable" to the point that my family hates me being at home at all!

I'm terrified that I won't be good enough. That I don't know enough. That I'm just plain not smart enough.

I know, though, that my brain hurts from the slow death it is experiencing at my current job. 

I believe that when cut-backs come, my present job is very dispensible.

Can I get up at 5:30 every morning? Ouch.

Do I want to give up my position at the other hospital?

Do I trust that we will use the extra income to pay off some bills and then enjoy some family time?

Can I give up my flexibility at work? It's every working mom's dream.

Care to share your opinion?  


Lilly said...

I cannot say because other than for a year of my life I have never been a stay at home Mom. I have always worked outside the home. And I only ever had two kids to worry about (an adopted son that came in his early teenage years - long story). The childcare issues were always the worst thing when my daughter was small but I dont recall too much now looking back. I think I blocked it out. Once they are at school its easier. And teenagers are teenagers whether you are home or not.

I think your two oldest are at a good age and they would be able to help out (yes). Is there a possibility of permanent part-time like 3 days a week or 4 days a week?

I could understand why you must feel nervous but you are very smart and quick. I think you could do anything you want to. It would also be good for your girls to see you in a different light but it would have to be a big family meeting time if it was going to happen because you would need everyone's support.

Sounds like you are going through lots of changes at the moment and its all positive. Besides if you try it and it doesnt work out there is no harm done. But if you don't try it you may always be left wondering....

Ronda's Rants said...

You are "more than enough" no matter what you decide! I have been a stay-at-home Mom and I have been a working-outside-the-home Mom...there are challenges to both!
When I am trying to make a decision about something...I live for an hour with my choice and write down my hour I live with the other choice and write down my feelings! I read both and see what makes the most sense!

jill jill bo bill said...

Maybe you should just do internet porn with me. God, I crack myself up!!!

Okay, really, Lilly is so right about the teen. They are all idiots whether you are at home or not. I tried both ways and had the same outcome.

Betty said...

In a way I agree with the rest that teens will be teens....BUT I do think that you would be happier if you found a job like Lily said, that is like 3 or 4 days a week. Then you would still have enough time for your home and Liv. She is still so small and you should really think about her!
I worked part time (7 - 11:30) for all the years that my kids were home. Then when they left the nest I did full time for 2 years and I couldn´t handle it. I need time for friends or for just being home baking. So now I´m working Monday/Wednesday/Friday full time and Tuesday and Thursday I have the afternoon´s off. It will probably be hard finding something that is ideal, but if you look for a a job with flexible hours that would probably be best.
In the end, the decision is yours and you have to decide what´s right for your family!

wy-not said...

Honey, as you know, the flex-time job everyone is describing here as ideal, is the job you already have. But someone said, try it and if you don't like it, you can always change your mind. Starting a fulltime job doesn't lock you into it forever. On the other hand, you might just love it. And there are LOTS of little people in the world growing up in daycares and day homes. It's not like you're abandoning the little gal! Follow your heart, sweet cheeks. Follow your heart!

MilesPerHour said...

I think it's great that you made the first step by doing a pros and cons list. That should help you focus!

DysFUNctional Mom said...

I can't help ya. I already work full time, but my internal debate right now is whether to stay on nights or change to days. For some of the same reasons you listed. It's tough!