If there is anything on this planet that could possibly make me want to take a header off the highest bridge, shopping would be it. Actually, I compare normal shopping to stubbing my toe or getting my eyebrows waxed. Shopping with kids makes me steer my car toward that previously mentioned bridge.
I'm an embarrassment to my gender. I know. And I apologize.
But I'm happy report, two kids down, one to go.
"No clothes to my name Cassie" came away with two shirts, three pants, undies and a cool vest/jacket.
"Woohoo! Look at me going off to Kindergarten Olivia" came away with about a million things. Her size is so cheap. I'm talking $3 shorts and shirts. And yes, Mom, she did get one outfit that I spent a whopping $25 on. Oh, and a hat! It looks so cute on her.
We got groceries galore, then I quite happily (NOT) spent 30 minutes in line to pay for my loot. As we got closer to the till, I sent Cassie back with our ice cream, because there is NO WAY I am buying ice cream from a store that can't hire more than one cashier. She came back with fresh, frozen ice cream that was WAY more expensive than the ones I sent her away with. I guess I didn't win that hand after all.
After the only cashier in the city FINALLY rang through all my stuff, I handed her my credit card, which thankfully had a rare but thankful negative balance on it. The rest I had no intention of paying for now. She tells me that it is an invalid card. Invalid? INVALID??? My ass it's invalid! Either it wouldn't swipe properly, or she's just a moron.
So, crap. There I am, trying to figure out how I am going to manage, gracefully, guessing which account to use with my debit card, while all 117 people behind me in line looked on. I don't think they noticed the look of horror or embarrassment. I swiped my card and pushed buttons, then nonchalantly put that card back in my wallet, so that I could feign surprise, just in case I picked the wrong account. Wrong account! Hahaha. Like there could BE a right one!
Now we're in the red. And payday is next week. Shit.
So I'm home from Walmart, in not even close to the mood I left home with, $400 poorer. Some may be thinking 'Wow! She's fabulous! Back to school clothes for two, PLUS groceries and shampoo for $400!'
While I know deep down that I must truly be awesome, I just can't seem to celebrate it, because, I repeat:
We're in the red. And payday is next week.